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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Burn War Streetlightsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Emma_closes
    ASL Info:    15/f/fl
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 88/111/44
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 249
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1237



    Description:
       Sort of an off-beat little rhythm going on, I think. I'm not sure exactly where I got the street light image, but I figured I'd put it to use.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBurn War Streetlightsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    There's a dance in the streets,
    it's going on,
    won't you come?
    Just like predicted,
    it'll be loads of fun.
    The very streetlights will burst.
    And she's screaming:
    "My God, is this true?
    I used to love you!
    I used to,
    I used to,
    I still do."
    She once did,
    forever.
    It's a hopeless endevour.

    There's this dance in the streets,
    it's worth your trouble to show.
    There'll be so much action
    God damned streetlights will blow.
    It's gunna leave you still itching
    and hoping for more.
    Because when push comes to shove
    "there will always be love."
    At least that's what she is screaming.

    Face obscured
    by falling glass,
    God damned streetlights are falling.
    She's still dancing and calling,
    "won't you come?
    I loved you,
    I used to,
    I still do."
    Still screaming and smiling.
    She'll keep going
    until she sees the sun
    to pronounce that,
    just like predicted,
    it was loads of fun.




    Submitted on 2005-08-09 10:57:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i actually really liked this poem by the time i got to the end of it. intionally i thought some of the phrasing was a little weak, such as

    it'll be loads of fun.

    it's going on,
    won't you come?

    these too bits in particular. i thought they seemed to coloquial. i know that coloquialism cna work in poetry but i thought this was jsut a little too lose. however i foudn the reption at the end of the first verse basically being the first sort of corrected this. im not sure that i like the lines still but i think it works.

    you are right there is an interesting rhythmn for this poem. it flows veyr well whiel read. however the highlight of this poem for em was the middle verse. i think it brillaint and in a completely different league to the first and third. its also a diferent style, well sort of different style. its much more desciptive.

    good job
    harri
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by harri | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi. I agree with Harri. My favourite part is the middle verse, as it seemed to flow much better. But the poem still hit it's mark and told a short story of people who are attending a party of sorts in the street. I could almost picture them there, dancing in the street, and then - kaboom! - all the street lights blow up and rain glass on everyone there... nice work cher
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by Inducted_Kitty | [ Reply to This ]
      the streetlights persona you described in the write, is as the girl showing everyone she is gonna stand up after being knocked down and dance "in the streetlight" thats what i got out of it.. A fight song but dancing and showing gleaming confidence instead of killing and throwing punches.. very intriguing to say the least...
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by daniel05 | [ Reply to This ]
      ok . this...is a little weird. i didn't like the "won't you come, loads of fun" bits. though i guess maybe they serve some sexual purpose. every line seems to contradict every other line, and the streetlights keep exploding over and over again like a broken dvd that keeps playing the same scene over again but different each time. i'm not sure what i was supposed to get out of this, but i don't think i got it.
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]



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