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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Essence Of The Broken Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Abort_Chaotic
    ASL Info:    19 almost 20
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 201/172/50
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 867
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1088



    Description:
       I doubt any of you will like this.. it's kind've crappy. I just have a breaking heart right now...
    Life sucks.. Please leave comments.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEssence Of The Broken Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Here's a package of my emotions.
    Is has the ticket to take us away.
    You're my potion,
    I'll take you today.

    Where we can be one and only.
    If our touch could be reality.
    Promise me not to be a phony.
    Why would it have to end with my fatality.

    Why should this piece hurt so much,
    When frailty to talk is of the essence.
    Driving starting to clutch,
    If I die of a broken heart today, will it make sense?

    Is this the hurt process?
    Taking my heart out so easily,
    from seam to seam.
    Take it, it's bleeding, it won't stop so I have to confess.
    Today was so bad, that the lack of sleep made it feel as a dream.

    With broken rhythm, I can't help but scream this toneless melody.
    I'm tired of this endless rhapsody..

    This mornings broken heart, still hanging from the little string with the hope of hearing your voice again.
    To make this the last time, too bad to die so young..




    Submitted on 2005-08-09 11:17:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      My dear Justin
    I am so sorry you are hurting. It breaks my heart to see my son hurting so. But remember I love you and always will. Love does hurt sometimes. But try to remember the good memories. Right now you probably wont beable to but eventually you will.
    Good write.
    Love you


    MOM
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by Poetic Cure | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay then. I'm sorry about your broken heart and all. It seemed like you tried to force it to rhyme, which kind of took away from this piece. I like the emotion behind it, but I had trouble catching onto the flow throughout it. Along with the structure I just couldn't follow, and the message wasn't very clear. The only thing I got out was that your heart is breaking.
    Throughout this poem I was kind of confused, but then I think you may have tried to make it that way because of "With broken rhythm, I can't help but scream this toneless melody."
    Well, I hope you get over this. I don't really like how it's written, but a breaking heart is always understandable.
    *Melissa
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by frozenconscienc | [ Reply to This ]
      hey i think the flow could be better, but i know how it is when you just need to get something out and then work on it later. i like it, i hate knowing you are hurting , i hope everything is ok with you. it's clear you are hurting right now and that's good that you could relay that onto paper. just touch up the flow and some of teh rhymes a little bit, otherwise i really like this, you did a good job!

    Jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      in general i think its a good poem. you used some beautiful ideas, they just don't seem to flow quite right and the rhyme seems forced. I love the first stanza.a breaking or broken heart is never fun, but trust me, everything happens for a reason and you will learn something from this. what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. cliché' but true.
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by shootingstar | [ Reply to This ]
      very good great write and enjoyable read
    when reading i like to ty a put myself in the story as well as the writer
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      With broken rhythm, I can't help but scream this toneless melody.
    I'm tired of this endless rhapsody..

    Hey Justin! Ok those are the best words you have ever written. They really are poetic, I enjoyed them alot. Sorry to hear about everything. Young love is always riddled with the bullets of heartache. {look at me trying to be smooth} :) But it wuz a sweet poem, compared to the rest of your poems. It didn't horrify me like some of your poems do. You talk about sad things and I know how you are feeling, but it wuzn't super depressing, while still getting your point across. I also thought the first 4 lines were really good. Hope things get better, keep writing...

    *Jeni, your long-lost friend
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]


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    69914

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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