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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: picture perfectdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: shootingstar
    ASL Info:    22/f/hell
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 102/120/21
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 1126
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1035



    Description:
       so the two of you are together, but miles apart?



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotspicture perfectdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Drop the walls and burn these bridges
    seasons change before your eyes
    petals scattered on the snow
    each a token of these lies

    stumble down a broken stairacse
    only darkness breaks the fall
    safe in roaring awkward silence
    desperate voices softly call

    "Here we are alone together,
    heartbeats distant, fingers laced.
    What's left to hold the picture perfect,
    when all the lines have been erased?"

    So throw your colors to the wind
    as we lie naked on this bed.
    Scream for what your heart desires,
    Scream to show me we're not dead.

    Empty pages tell the story
    missing memories more than words
    No need to speak those left unspoken
    silence lets our thoughts be heard;

    "Here we are alone together,
    heartbeats distant, fingers laced.
    What's left to hold the picture perfect,
    when all the lines have been erased?"




    Submitted on 2005-08-09 13:56:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You have lots of talent. Your flow is beautiful and the placement of the words masterful. Many writers here are writers but you are a poet. I should be envious but it's respect you've earned from me. That may not mean much but i can not give you any suggestions to change it is metaphoric and wonderfully clear at the same time... Beautiful Piece i shall read alot more of your work.

    Semper Fidelis,
    Christopher
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]
      This was amazing. I love how you repeated the one stanza, which is my favorite of all
    "Here we are alone together, heartbeats distant, fingers laced. What's left to hold the picture perfect, when all the lines have been erased."...I just keep repeated that in my head and I love it. You have earned my respect also, because I just love this piece. It flowed well and rhymed nicely. Great metaphors all in all...and welcome to my favorite's list.
    *Melissa
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by frozenconscienc | [ Reply to This ]
      very good great write and enjoyable read
    when reading i like to ty a put myself in the story as well as the writer
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very well done and the timing/rhyme was perfect! This was the second piece today that seemed to me to also be a song/lyrics. I enjoyed the whole piece and just found the stanzas to be very telling and descriptive but not overdone. Nothing about this seemed forced. Favorite! Love,Peace,Joy! tif ; )
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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