Description: I haven't done anything like this. It was just an interesting thought when I was in the writing mood, and had no personal drama at the time.
I can't say that I like this one, although I do think it was very good. It sounds like the same stuff my ex was saying to me while trying to explain why he did the things he did, so i'm a little biased.
This had a na-na-na rhythmic feel to it and it could almost be lyrics to a song. I liked the blatant honesty and thought it was a good piece. Love,Peace,Joy! tif ; )
Like Samuel said, I liked have the first and last stanza contrast the other ones, it gave it more flava.
There are only two parts that I thought could use just a tiny adjustment.
"I needed someone there Someone to cleanse my sore I'm really glad that you did care But I don't need you anymore"
I think perhaps you should bold the word "did" in the third line just so the reader know's how to read that sentence and rhyme it with the rest of the piece. Only because its longer and has more syllables, which gives the reader a chance to sound things out clearer. I wasnt crazy about the word sore either, but you rhymed it well.
"I didn't mean to hurt you I never would've thought That you wanted me too Your love I hadn't saught"
This is both cliché ( or too cliché for your great piece), and not a great rhyme. Dont take that the wrong way, because you can rhyme way better then me, but to be honest I think you could do without this ztanza completely. Or myabe jsut tweaking it to a different rhyme.
I dunno, its your piece, and I really did like this one:OP Rage and angst feels good (on occasion at least)
Submission Name: Release
