Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Brokendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: C. Starr
    ASL Info:    35/yesplz/State of denial
    Elite Ratio:    4.22 - 130/196/68
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 872
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1004



    Description:
       Written Aug. 8th 2005

    Kinda unsure about the title.



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBrokendots
    -------------------------------------------


    Ancient reasons behind you…..
    Desire grows with every passing day.
    The same fire flows through our veins.
    Both you and I,
    Somehow….of the same grain.
    Yet, I sit far away from you.
    I look outside my window,
    And see Persian skies of red and yellow.
    When you come down I’ll greet you…..
    I’ll show you the way.
    But until then my dear,
    You will remain….
    Broken…….
    Lost ……..
    Searching for something you won’t find.
    For some other hands that will feel like mine.
    But your heart won’t beat for another pain.
    Like the one my lips give you.
    Like the one that stays in your mind as if a plague.
    Eyes of green, that stare, that gaze,
    You can’t erase it.
    It won’t go away.
    I know…
    As I lay down tonight
    In white satin sheets,
    Chains, cuffed to my legs.
    I think about you.
    I feel the same.




    Submitted on 2005-08-10 02:29:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      how bout handcuffed for a title -I always like handcuffs-leg cuffs any cuffs will do as long as they aren't on me
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      oh damn cc we can't keep this charade up anylonger--it's killing me too baby lets just give in and run away-far away wher we can live on love and feed off each other--ok stop
    caloborate and listen
    this was sexy/raw/cute but it had a tinge of haha sucker in it--or along those lines---me like
    Lamemansterms (still searching for his green eyed /satin sheet/cuffed girl
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful write!
    Just sad and endearing. Does not self pity it just thinks of the other party! And in the end a small analogy.

    I think the title is just perfect.
    Would not change a thing. Nothing but praise goes to my faves

    Peace
    Viviane
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      I know someone whose dad is in prison. I think this piece could pinch him in the heart and make him feel alive again. He’s been quite numb lately.

    This showcase of love has been an easy target for a lot of writers because it shows a certain level of maturity that makes the persona appear… a bit transcendental. That is, of course, if you look at the “now” instead of the “then.” As if saying… “I’m sorry I hurt you… but I can’t lick your wounds ‘cause that will make your injury worse.”

    The usage of the environment was well played. The first thing that came to my mind was… the desert and the lack of industry… temptations… transactions. It hints the desire of the person to clean him/herself in hopes of one day… being the one to peal off the scab s/he left on his/her lover.
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    69998

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry