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    dots Submission Name: An Unforgotten Lovedots

    Author: chrls
    ASL Info:    43/m/louisiana
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 43/56/16
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 668
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 503

       This is about being dumped and not realizing that it's over.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAn Unforgotten Lovedots

    I once had a love that came and went
    Often in sadness even more so in madness
    Forever will I cherish the loving she sent
    And have undying remembrance
    for times that were spent
    Sharing the sadness
    or overcoming the madness
    in my silence I ponder what this all meant
    Now she is gone will I see her again
    This thought lingers on in my mind
    I'm left all alone longing to hear not a din
    But her gentle voice warm and kind

    Submitted on 2005-08-10 13:27:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Reminds me of my first love. I like this one. Nothing was unclear 2 me. But "Now she is gone will I see her again " is my favorite part because i ofter ask myself that question. ~1 luv
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by InnerEnergy | [ Reply to This ]
      u started off well with the first four lines but then i think u lost it...your lines got a bit longer and the rhyming was thrown off. also the rhyming was rocky so it didnt flow too well... but keep writing!
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by strwytohvn | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree wiht strwytohvn towards the end your words get rocky. and you may want to think about your breaks in the secondd line it might come off more powerful if you broke it in two like
    "offten in sadness
    even more in maddness"
    but then again that could just be because i always do that in my poems and it works.
    other then that i really thought it was a good piece and it was filled wiht a bitter sweet saddness. good work
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]
      Though the flow did get a bit bumpy at the end...maybe that's what you intended? After all, the relationship did 'end'...so why wouldn't it be a bit bumpy?

    With that...I still feel this piece is sweet, and soft...reminiscent. We all look back on love, especially one that takes that one piece of your heart with them when they go. Never forgotten. The feeling of this poem was loud and clear, and I enjoyed the bittersweet aching it gives off. Very nice write. I hope to read more from you!

    *hugs a plenty*
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by SouthrnQT | [ Reply to This ]

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