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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 'Til All Is Welldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: chrls
    ASL Info:    43/m/louisiana
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 43/56/16
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Lyrics/The pain inside
    Total Views: 693
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 490



    Description:
       This is actually a song. I wrote it after a very tumultous time in my life. I had done some things that I knew wouldn't go over too well with others. What the hell do they know right. Anyway let me know what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots'Til All Is Welldots
    -------------------------------------------


    If you could read my mind
    You might understand me sometime
    But you don't know what's there
    Or why I just sit and stare
    Into space
    With an empty face
    I can't erase
    What's already in place

    Feelings deep within
    Rise and fall with no end
    Unanswered questions inside
    Some things I can't even hide
    From myself
    I'll put my life upon the shelf
    Until all is well




    Submitted on 2005-08-10 14:16:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It reminded me of Green Day's Wake Me Up When September Ends phase. I don't like Green Day, but that's not to say this isn't a good write. In the secnod stanza you change the pattern...I think it stands out more because of the way you formatted this. Try adding a chorus or something, to make it sound a little more original. Potential, man, potential.

    Mel
    | Posted on 2006-06-03 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this piece and it reminded me of times when I was lost and manic and just felt unwell but I knew suffer through it, til you say, All is Well.
    That's actually one of my favorite things to tell myself - Say All is Well to Everything, All is Well! Cause it could be worse!
    Great!
    Love,Peace,Joy&Smilez 2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this piece. the line breaks were better , i think then the last poem.and i can really relate to what i think your saying. but toward the end it felt a little foced but it still came out good.
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm... first thought:
    Its really short for song lyrics.

    2nd thought:
    The 2 lines at the end are really great.

    In between the first glance at the poem and the last 2 lines I really had no thoughts on this whatsoever. It seemed kind of bland in a way. Maybe try adding a little more description to take away the choppiness of it. A nice strong rhythm and good flow are definitly good things to have in lyrics.

    On the brightside, I really love the "until all is well" idea as well as the putting your life on the shelf to keep it safe. Nice job.
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by LadyInRed88 | [ Reply to This ]
      This one got through to me. Unable to undo past things, and unknowing what the future holds, I think that it ends well.
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by whchong | [ Reply to This ]


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