Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ambition©dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1405
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 549



    Description:
       yeah -----I have ZERO!
    na that is an exageration but this piece can mean many different things to differnt people and the title really isn't whjat this was about but take it as you like-nJOY


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAmbition©dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sad and lonely street-
    A place I know.
    Itís where we always meet,
    and where you never show.
    In my favorite bar,
    out of my unpleasant head,
    and upon that shooting star,
    while falling off my bed.
    So many faces,
    without any traces.
    Immaculate trails-
    leading to invisible places,
    where I rest when I fail.
    Not near here,
    But never that far.
    Itís always closer than you think,
    but further than the farthest star.

    lamemansterms




    Submitted on 2005-08-10 23:18:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with you on the title. But I'm really feeling a since of longing with this one. If picture a person struggling to commit, and not just to a significant other or something simple like that. It's like he's got these great goals and ideas in his head(out of my unpleasant head,and upon that shooting star,) but he can't stay sober or focues long enough to see them through. You are your own worst enemy kinda deal.

    Immaculate trails-
    leading to invisible places,

    This makes me think about a guy who's had all these cool experience (like with chicks or with jobs or traveling adventures) but in the end takes nothing away from any of it and is left feelign just empty and unfullfilled cuz he can't put all the pieces together to make somthing solid. Just a whole lotta nothing.

    Itís always closer than you think,
    but further than the farthest star

    He doesn't want to give up but still seems kidna hopless.

    Kinda sad when you look at it that way.

    very well written though, very poetilcy phrased in a lot of areas.

    SHort and sweet.

    A fun read

    Spoken
    | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by spoken | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very well written poem. Short in length yet expresses so much depth and style. I love your repeated reference to the stars and how you relate to them. The title kinda threw me a bit thinking how it related to the poem but then I read your description and saw that it wasnt meant to be a description of the poem as much as I thought it would be. I like that...you made me think! But I do feel after reading this like you are talking about having the best intentions but they are not always seen that way. Reminds me of that saying "a diamond in the rough". I thought this is very well written and worded. It seems to come from within yourself and expresses your inner thoughts and feelings. Excellent job on this one! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-10-13 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      to go from a star to a bar in ones head makes you a quite compelling writer.. you then venture off the subject just a bit and then come back to the star again.. i enjoyed reading this as well as others should.. just to be able to write something this short but keep it so deep in thought and word, has me thinking about going a little deeper also.. good job... and i don't say that often
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by daniel05 | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent. I rarely read anything that has this wonderful flow quality you've got going on here. I won't really point out anything I liked a lot, because to be honest, I liked the whole thing. You never seemed to stray, but if you did, it fit, and just seemed to give the poem just what it needed. It has this thing where...it's simple in words, yet advanced. Does that make sense? A lot of poems that are about sorta what you wrote about always come of sounding like they're whining or all broken hearted and whatnot, but this doesn't. What's said is said. Keep writing, but I know you will. Peace. LucyDiamond
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]
      Itís where we always meet
    Itís where you never show


    That's just fantastic. Almost ironic.. this is like a place of nothingness, no dreams, no hopes, no ambitions..and this is where the narrator meets other 'lost souls' like him, but they never really show either, because of how they are..

    I may be completely off track but I thought that was clever..

    Immaculate trails
    to those invisible places


    I really really like this because of how well it fits with the title and the subject matter. This is how ambition could seem to people who have no faith in it.. you follow these perfect trails of promise, and then you find...there's nothing there.

    The ending is haunting, hollow..but beautiful.

    Wonderful poem LMT. :)
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]
      Well LT. Its good to have ambition, but if you don't believe enough in yourself to accomplish it, then you are right there with the lost souls who have gone before.

    I think what your saying is, that you work so hard for something, and just when you think that your so close to achieving it, it slips out of reach. The last two lines tell me this...Then again, maybe I'm just full of it, and am putting my own interpretation into it.

    Anyway, I like this alot, it is almost haunting and is a little bit of a different side of LT.

    Or am I just lost on it?

    Crystal
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow..that is all I can say...just wow...
    this is one of my favorite poems...I will be adding it to my fav's..
    sorry that I havent read in a while...some things have been going on with my friends and family...one of my best friends just died.


    Not near here
    But never that far
    Itís always closer than you think
    But further than the farthest star

    those are my favorite lines...they just keep ringing in your head...
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by longwinterdays | [ Reply to This ]
      I am late to comment but this piece rocks! But (there is always a but lol) I think u should add punctuation. Maybe just a period after bar, traces, fail and star.
    That is the only but I have in my pocket. Maybe not a major one either. Your poem seems to be doing fine without.

    Otherwise I just want to read it again and again!

    my unpleasant head
    Upon that shooting star

    I mean this is brilliant! Expresses in so little words all the lack of confidence that someone might have in themselves (unpleasant head), after a dream of theirs shoots away like a star!

    Immaculate trails
    to those invisible places
    where I rest when I fail

    Amazing image u have there. So loaded with life (life as Life not as in vivid or lively). The opposition in immaculate trails is so expressive already! Trails that u leave only after one time, trails that u never follow again.
    Yet there lies a place or places in ur mind where u run to when ur dreams become out of reach like that shooting star.

    Somehow those immaculate trails could be related to the shooting star. A star shoots once, leaving a small trail for just a few seconds then it all disappears to leave a void or maybe an invisible place.

    Oooh I like that! Ur dream or ambition is that shooting star!

    Then after that ur ending somehow relates to the beginning, to make of ur poem a sort of circle.

    U always go to a place where ur ambition does not show, yet u keep following it,

    Not near here
    But never that far

    showing that in one minute maybe one second, what can be out of reach would be yours and maybe it will end up never happening.

    Itís always closer than you think
    But further than the farthest star


    I also like the way u personnified ambition. In my mind as I read the poem, I see ambition in the traits of a very beautiful yet elusive woman. A woman that makes u want her yet she is not easy to get or to even touch. A shooting star!

    Now the circle is a well woven web, and this piece goes straight to my faves! Hope u can afford rent

    V
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      If not for the title I would not have guessed this to be about ambition (or the lack there of).. but given that, I think it speaks greatly about the subject.
    You have several cleverly added lines that I really enjoyed.

    The sad and lonely street where we meet but you never show.. at the bar where you slip out of unpleasantness.. The many faces without any trace of ambition..< these lines may seem simple at first but have a deep meaning.
    And the rest, I think, speaks of how ambition surges through you..yet just as quickly leaves... you know it's there.. yet it seems so far.

    A very enjoyable read... I enjoy the sort of writes that leave me thinking, "now just what does this all mean?". (sort of like the comment you left on my poem :)

    Take care,
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting.
    This could have a lot of different meanings for people. I kind of saw it as dreaming. I really like this. But I like work that leaves something to the readers imagination. Good job.
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very...ummmm...intriguing. Yeah...that's the word for it. You gave this one some deep thought huh? Or you just let the pen do the work and it came with ease.

    I like the way you show your creativity.
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    70097

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry