Description: this is the beginning of a 3 piece little saga.. just some thoughts.. truth about society among other things.. just as usual writing another way... but this is rap without hip/hop to be honest... a little hip hop poetry
Poetic Minds... Part 1 -------------------------------------------
aiyo....
The spotlight shines on
as the choir sings another chorus
to this ghetto song
A Magnifecently worded verse
Exquiste..without a curse
A teddybear I'm not..will never be
After reading my rhymes
It shouldn't be to hard to believe me
This pen is my lifeline
through it my heart beats
trying not to end up on nightline
As my hood continues to catch heat
Lyrical or clinical?
or maybe a tad bit cynical
for saying what i do
Quit studying me, take gasterentology
I will soar high, astronomically
The smoke clears and the light fades
As the world keeps turning
I keep wearing my shades
To get outta this gutter, make grades
You want a nightmare at 15, get laid
Without an umbrella
have 5 kids, but name the girl carmella
society continues to erase
Poetic minds I continue to chase
The first chapter is complete...
you just read the last phase
I love the hiphop flow to this poem. Rap is a form of poetry that you capture so well..it's not even funny. Keep writing cause i love the way you write.
There's not much I can say, but that you are one hell of a writer. Poet, rapper or otherwise, you are definately a writer. I love reading your pieces to get a different view, a real and honest view. I find it hard to believe that you are only 15, you have an amazing grasp on life-with what you've been through I can understand why, but it definately floors me.
This pen is my lifeline through it my heart beats
I really liked this in this piece and you've said essentially the same thing in some of your other writes, so it shows that it means a lot to you. You keep picking up that pen and using it, I will keep on reading it! Great job again! Candi
I like it a lot. One said you are not a poet, I disagree. There are many levels of poetry, and I believe that you are a poet. I think that it is really good and yes a rap it is that too. Keep up the great writes, God Bless, Dawn
nice words used to describe such simple situations.. but the poetic mind is very indepth as well as the performer.. i really enjoyed reading this, and i hope you continue to write the way you do.. nice job
one of the few hip hop pieces that i truly enjoyed reading.. it showed expression can come with simple words but it can also be mixed with words that really describe and all in all it brings out simplicity but yet something very thoughtful.. a really nice write and i look for the second one
WOW i enjoyed reading this! and the name carmella...thats what i want to name my girl!...ok i mostly agree with daniel... exprisionf can be described with simple word.. except to big o words i have no idea what they mean... and this is also very thoughtfull...
The smoke clears and the light fades As the world keeps turning I keep wearing my shades To get outta this gutter, make grades
this was my most favorite part of this poem..its what most people have to do...and thats what i did...nice write and i can't wait till the next KAy
As a whole - great piece, if I had to pick out my favorite lines... "This pen is my lifeline through it my heart beats trying not to end up on nightline As my hood continues to catch heat Lyrical or clinical? or maybe a tad bit cynical for saying what i do" It's music and truth to my ears and it says a lot for you... Nice work, Cabe - again, you never cease to amaze me (are you tired of amazing me yet?)
Nice work here. Couple of minor things [think you misspelled 'gasterentology'] easily fixed with a spell check. You've got a good start here. Look forwqrd to parts 2 & 3.
Interesting. Got a nice feel to it, overall I like it. I'm wondering how the second and third parts are going to turn out. Its hard writing a saga (so to say) Good luck, and can't wait for the next! ~Kat
This pen is my lifeline through it my heart beats trying not to end up on nightline As my hood continues to catch heat
i liked these lines the most. cuz that is how a true MC should feel. his/her pen is their source of income but it's also their "voice". it's how we express ourselves through verse. good job marine. like everone else, i'm ready 4 the next installment of ur saga.
just check this [censored] out. pretty soon you're gonna have a girlfriend and be moving out, and then you'll have little emcees to mentor yourself. lol. you're grown, i'm diggin that hip hop poetry rep we have goin here. we should do something big with that soon. o wait,.. we kinda already have. o well, we'll collabo more sooner or later. the ending kinda bugged me out, like your first effort was your last phase. paradox!~P
as the choir sings another chorus to this ghetto song
...Any poem that has "ghetto song" in it should not be 1) classified as poetry and 2) called poetic minds. YOU ARE NOT A POET! Stop calling yourself that. You are only making me laugh. Rapper. You are a good rapper, I will say. But you are not a poet.
Submission Name: Poetic Minds... Part 1
