The house shivers with the slamming of the door
The tree's fight the rain they so much adore
A flower crumbles to the floor
The whisper dances in the wave of the wind
and the heart ache begins again
Tomorrow maybe will come
but the truth it has come undone
the storm took her away
along with the rest of the flowers that day
They rest now on her grave
she's been buried with the mistakes...
I'm left wondering and longing for a bit more here. I'm curious to what the mistakes were, there's so much mystery and so very much left to the imagination. I do love the words that you choose to use in your writing. Candi
This poem seemed like a scene from a drama of some sort. It has death and loss written all over it. The recurring theme could improve a little by expanding on what happened. As it is, the reader is somewhat in the dark...
It's nice, but the choppy rhyming scheme threw me off, and it seemed a bit forced as thoughyou bent the words to suit what you wanted to write. If somethinng doesn't work, try to find a different way to say it...I notice the first three lines rhyme together, and then the scheme breaks out of that entirely...try to stick to one pattern, or make the flow of it a bit smoother and easier to follow.
this is a very intense poem and as far as critquing I think the only thing that needs to be changed are some punctuation markings, there should be a few more commas in there than what you have right now. it's kind of all over the place but for the most part its pretty smooth and easy to understand, at least for me. So I love it just read through it and youll be able to tell where you need the commas. Great job! Manda
My favorite part is the second part. The poem itself brings about memories that for some had been forgotten for too long. When I recite it in my head I can see a movie playing... I like the choice of words, they connect well, and I like the fact that even though it is said directly there is still some mystery. A good balance.