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    dots Submission Name: Premonitiondots

    Author: Brwnsknsam05
    ASL Info:    32/F/ Cuba
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 399/440/103
    Words: 222
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 915
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1518

       My ex...is in the infintry...and he is at boot camp right now. And me, I still love him, and I could imagine his face plastered on the screen as one of many fallen heroes. Because no one would even no his name. No one care enough to ask it...and I would trade my life for his in a minute. If he could stay safe.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Me, I used to hide
    And contemplate
    Realistic lies
    Floating from my tongue
    To your ear in a silent rhythm

    And you...
    Digested it
    Made it a fantasy
    Heard it
    And whispered it back
    To me

    And a still gesture
    Was thought of me
    As I opened my eyes
    And all I could see
    Was black
    And I was caught...

    Falling for him again
    His return...
    Upon a metal bird
    And I was falling so fast
    That my lungs
    Dried the water
    Dripping into my viens

    And all I could see was black
    And I walked toward
    The darkness leading the blind
    And I settled...
    For all eyes
    Are unseeing to love

    And it crashed into me
    Toppled me over
    Spit at me
    And growled for me
    To rise
    To face it

    And a smile beamed from
    My face...
    Torn in a scattered reflection
    And its funny...
    That I cried
    And I thought I saw his
    Face on the new...
    My Army man, dead

    It's my demize
    That I would ask for an exchange
    As I see him hurt
    Passed out
    In another ring leader's territory

    I'm torn from my body
    And flipped into his
    Tears streaming my face

    And I die for him
    My last wish
    Come true...

    Submitted on 2005-08-11 09:31:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      let me tell you that his training, if he takes it seriously, will protect him. being over here hun, it's hard, and yes it is dangerous...but it's livable, and he will be ok, if he takes his training seriously. trust me on this one. as far as the poem, aww [censored] baby...this hurt me, you must care an awful lot for this guy, this is the kind of poem that us servicemen bury into our hearts forever...so in a weird way, i thank you too. this was beautiful micki, great job

    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]
      Even though i cannot relate, even a first time reader could find the dispair you put into every word and stanza, sometimes any of us would give it all up just to see the people we care for go unhurt in thier own lives. Thanks, you've given me something to think about. I hope he's ok, and i hope you will be too.
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by Drayke | [ Reply to This ]
    This is a really sad poem. i so totally feel you. i don't even know if i can think such a way about my ex. Doesn't really ring into my ears about it. Nah, i wouldn't of thought like you did but still, i felt you. Another thing is probably the thing he is doing now. Made you think about things and the things you would of done for him. That is so sweet. You really love this guy deeply. I really feel that in your words.

    i don't really know why you chose the title "Premonition". To me, it doesn't fit in the content at all. Maybe it does to you, but not the way i see it.

    I love the first part the most. These were like so touching probably cause those were the first lines but because those lines kept me going all the way to the bottom. It was really interesting what you wrote and i appreciate you writing it.

    I really enjoyed reading it. Hope everything is okay with you and the guy. Keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]

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