Description: this is one of my favs... i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it..
Friday Night Game -------------------------------------------
im sitting in my locker room today
trying to keep the tears back
trying to be tough in every single way
fore ive heard news that brung me to my knees
news thats going take away years of sleep
on the way to my last senior football game
my angel was killed and as she died
all she did was say my name
teamates are saying you dont have to go on
im screaming im ok im gonna move on
its the feeling of adrenaline i feel under those lights
that is gonna keep me from
thinking of those cold and romantic nights
that we spent hours together
thinking our love would be beat all weather
but the rain got the best of us i cant deny
so ill keep her memory with me
on this very night
for the game was to be won for her
so its now going to be played
dedicated to her name
for it was the love of the game
that brought her to me
so we could be happy when it was
sadness that we seen
so ill take the ball in hand hold my chin high
and give tears, blood, and sweat
for my fallen angel
on this chilly friday game night
That's a true story?! Thats a sad story! All this serious stuff, man, I'm about to go write a deperssing poem. But I'll refrain. Your right this is a good one. To lose someoneso special to you is hard, one of the hardest things you have to go through. He must be strong, to be able to pull through that, and loved her so much to do that. I hope it all turns out for the best. ~Kat
i can relate somewhat. i used 2 play football and can remember the adrenaline rush and the excitement before the game. the only difference is i never played 2 dedicate the game 4 anyone. my angel is still with me. good write cade. "troy"
This had a sad/sweet mix to it. Kinda made me envision it taking place in the 50's or so...
I did however think that it needs some revising. Your first line says today...yet the poem reads as though this game will be taking place at night...perhaps... "I'm sitting in the locker room tonight trying to be tough while keeping the tears out of sight."
I also thought the word "fore" a bit out of place only because it seems so much more formal then the rest of this write...I think "brung" should be changed to brought.
sorry I'm not attempting to pick this apart, it's just like I said if this is a certain piece you are most proud of...it should shine like the gold it was written as...