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    dots Submission Name: Body and Souldots

    Author: chrls
    ASL Info:    43/m/louisiana
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 43/56/16
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 685
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 540

       Wrote this today. I think it's about the path of life and all the stuggles that we all go through waiting for the day we die.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBody and Souldots

    A soul crying out from deep within
    Fills the air with the pain of doubt
    Once so pure and so devout
    Becoming the essence of wanton sin

    Peering out beyond tear stained eyes
    Searching for balance or inner peace
    Wishing the ache of confusion would cease
    Nourished on fodder of fear and lies

    Languishing endlessly hoping to find
    A moment of truce or an end to the plight
    Completely content to continue the fight
    A soul crying out leaves the body behind

    Submitted on 2005-08-11 14:34:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i read the other two you mentioned as well they were good but i like this one the most it just seems to flow together smoothly and is well written it gave me a strong sense of being completely lost in an extremely familiar place like a ghost that doesnt know its dead i dont know if thats anything close to what you were talking about but thats how i interpureted i really liked it though defenitly some creativity hear

    cartoon autopsy
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by cartoon autopsy | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel this is good, but it seems to end abruptly in my opinion, and i'd really like to see more in this piece. The subject and the heart were all there though.
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]
      True, a morbid take on things, but true. I can feel the chaos and confusion in the seeping out of the poem...I liked "Nourished on fodder of fear and lies". Tearstained can be one word, though. Good flow of words...A good piece, I like it!
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by Syrinx | [ Reply to This ]
      the way it ends is very definite and solid.
    'A soul crying out leaves the body behind'
    But also it ends almost as it started.
    'A soul crying out from deep within'
    It seems indicative of an equality between the ending and beginning. One tells where it came from and the other tells where it is going.
    Excellent work!
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by Tarwen Nevle | [ Reply to This ]
      It almost sounds like a sonnet, almost. I liked this a lot. I think the ending is good but a little sudden, but other than that I really like it.
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by Dark Romantic | [ Reply to This ]

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