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    dots Submission Name: High on Inspiration Mountaindots

    Author: PastelSky
    ASL Info:    18/F/In the clouds
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 181/223/49
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 705
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 616

       I know. The title is weird, but I like it. It probably might not be as relative to the poem as you think, but it still has this mysterious ring to it.

    The poem itself is weird. It's not about lovers, yet love seems to be the redeeming light in the darkness. I made religious references for different reasons.

    Your thoughts would be good. Anything you gathered from this poem would be great. Criticism would be wonderful, too, but I'm mostly looking for your point of view on the meaning of this thing.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHigh on Inspiration Mountaindots

    His rage is a sin
    of the two plaques,
    domed and shaped
    in pairs of stone.

    My rage is death to him.

    His curse is a sin
    of the wilting leaves
    bound and muzzled
    in hardcover wisdom.

    My curse is death to him.

    His sloth is a sin
    of the watchful eyes
    and the truth he must
    not be of selfishness.

    My sloth is death to him.

    His love, without sin,
    is a snowy mountain,
    to erase me of all
    my murders and my deaths.

    My love is his savior.

    Submitted on 2005-08-11 14:52:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. You know, I could hear this as a responsive reading. Like, one person reads the first part, then another the second part, then the first the third part, et cetera. It's beautiful to see how each description fits with the next, and I know it's not about lovers, but it sounds like even in all those sins, they are amazingly synchronized, a perfect match. Maybe it's just me, my head works in an odd little way. Anyway, I enjoyed reading it, even though I didn't really understand the first stanza (about rage) very well.

    If I may suggest something... you could change the word "shaped" in the part talking about "his curse" because you already used it in the one about "his rage". If you had intentionally repeated it, perhaps it would have looked better if you made it pop up in the other stanzas as well. But, to me, it looked like a little mishap. I don't know what word to suggest, the one you used fit so well, but it just looks worn when you use it twice.

    Anyway, I hope I was of some help. Thank you lots for your read. Hope to see some more work from you soon.


    PS. Is your pic Howl's Moving Castle? I'm dying to watch that movie!
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by silverdrika | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the religious overtones. It kind of reminded me of religion in a way, the single line stanzas... How do you kill an egotist? With indifference. How do you kill a god? by not believeing. What is the one sin that is completely unforgiveable in christianity? To say, There is no god. For once you say it and believe it and live it, you destroy god and are standing alone.

    I liked the poem, even though I don't know what your intent was in writing this, but I do like the interpretations that present themselves while the reader tries to unravel the mystery. Very kewl work, keep on writing!
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by grey_girl | [ Reply to This ]

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