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    dots Submission Name: subtle cigarette.dots

    Author: PastelSky
    ASL Info:    18/F/In the clouds
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 181/223/49
    Words: 269
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 670
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1982

       I recently went on vacation to Las Vegas.... :)

    Eep, I don't normally write angsty stuff on the evils of society or anything, but I just felt inspired after going to that place ; Eh.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssubtle cigarette.dots

    Slithering slowly, tauntingly,
    shimmering from its "hole"
    (from the depths of hell, perhaps),
    is that fine, white thread
    hissing at those who stand in its way.

    It seeps into your lungs,
    quietly as a virus,
    knowingly as a murderer,
    waiting to plunge and kill.
    Waiting for the perfect timing
    to trap you in its snares.

    It lusts for children,
    to lure them out of their pure,
    snowy innocence,
    their newness to the world.

    It says,
    "Look at me,Young ones.
    I'm pure, I'm pure!
    Just like you.
    Inhale my sweetness,
    absorb me, and learn from me."

    Then it draws them in.

    It lusts for adults,
    the avid customers
    who yearn for deliverance
    from pain, from suffering,
    of living in the world!

    It says to them, sleekly,
    "Look at me, Young ones.
    I'm pure, I'm pure!
    Inhale my sweetness,
    absorb me, and learn from me,
    and I'll free you from this misery."

    Then it draws them in.

    Infants are not saved
    from the mother that is tricked.
    Mothers and fathers,
    slaves of the snare,
    captive in front of that infant's eyes!

    Yet the infant,
    so tender,
    will follow - thinking -
    It is fine and pure and my parents are fine and pure.

    Then it draws them in.

    Feeding the snake.

    The white snake,
    the transparent one,
    the servant of Satan himself.

    All of that,
    With the Bible relived.

    All of this in a simple,
    commonly suspicious,
    eerie, yet found with trust...

    Bound tightly in the white elixir
    of a silent, subtle cigarette.

    Submitted on 2005-08-11 15:09:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I loved cigarettes when I was a kid because they made you "all grown up" and besides that, they made me dizzy and I just loved the head rush. Now I hate them, and keep thinking about cancer the whole time I'm smoking them... yes, of COURSE I am still smoking them, they're addictive as hell... but I am consciously aware of what I'm doing to myself, which makes it less enjoyable and a lot more frustrating than ever before. I think your poem rings true with the descriptions of snakes and satan. I sure don't want Santa trying to get a big ol' iron lung down the chimney for my christmas surprise :( Great write tho!
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by grey_girl | [ Reply to This ]
      Holy...I almost put my smoke out while reading this! I loved the way you composed this lesson. It really is awesome. Your comparison to the smoke being like a white snake from hell is excellent. Being a smoker myself (sorry) I watched the smoke spiraling upward, and damned if I didn't imagine a snake! Then I have to say that I really loved the repeated line "Then it draws them in" because even though it is the smoker him/herself who is actually drawing the smoke into their lungs, it is the addiction to the smoke that is drawing us in! "Eerie, yet found with trust" is an awesome and truthful reality. We start smoking for various reasons, but we all end up addicted and usually hating it. Well written poem, and also a lesson to be learned for non-smokers - DON'T START! luv cher
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by Inducted_Kitty | [ Reply to This ]
      first-i dont smoke, i refuse to blacken my lungs with such things. second-i love the way you compare smoking to the white snake and a tool of Satan. and third-i dont think smoking is bad, i just think smokers should smoke outside away from people who dont want to smell the smoke...i dont mind it but the complaints in restaurants are really tiresome. i dont think smoking is bad except for burning holes in pockets, wallets, and purses. i think its a stress release for some people. my dad smokes, his friends and people who work for him smokes, and i can see that it helps them relax. however, for kids to smoke-thats bad. i agree that when parents smoke, some kids are influenced by it and think smoking is good. if you are going to smoke do it away from the eyes of children...we dont need a full generation of smokers coming in. i know i said i dont mind smokers, but kids who sixteen seventeen, and below asking for a hand out-cigarrittes-its stupid. but none of this can be prevented. anyways cool little write. not bad at all.

    later days
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by fiery_eyes | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm probably jaded crusty in my bitter, between-ages state of being (almost 22, though still 21), but i'm tired of reading comparisons between vices (cigarettes, etc) and evil. truly vices (such as cigarettes) are bad things, but in poetry things needn't be all that they are in reality; in poetry we are allowed to blur, to distort and color outside the lines, all that unchecked creativity will allow us; next piece, perhaps try to push at your boundaries and dare to stretch an unyielding band between two unlikely linked subjects. at first, you quite nicely paint your cigarette as having the characteristics of a shameless weight loss pill promoter, promising the gain of all good things without the hard work that they usually require. seductive because hard work is so closely coupled with pain and we avoid pain as often as we can, intriguing because it calls to us from the other side of the fence where we ought not to be getting too close to. then you at length detail the fall from grace, the disillusionment, all very beautifully, but perhaps a bit too detailed, and perhaps not allowing your reader to connect a few of the dots themselves? there are bits where i think you don't need to say, such as "it says" and then go on to say what it says. sometimes less is more. i would also say that line breaks are pretty good, as well as the stanza breaks. overall it's a good solid piece, so congrats. i hope you'll continue to write and grow and explore the edges that we ought not to be getting too close to. thanks for sharing. =]

    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]

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