Using a needle with a long, slender point
he injected my heart with his sin
I looked up to the Gods and I screamed out for help
as his poison bled quietly in
And I cried out in the name of love
but no answer came from the Gods up above
He was sliding so far inside of my skin
he was pushing that damn needle again
until I was tearing and bleeding within
I was drowning in his evil sin
And he cried out in the name of love
still no answer from the Gods above
My soul hit the floor and it shattered apart
I saw his eyes glitter as he ripped out my heart
He lifted his arms and they turned into wings
And he covered my body and tore it apart
And we cried out together in the name of hate
Betrayal and death had become my cruel fate.
My soul hit the floor and it shattered apart I saw his eyes glitter as he ripped out my heart He lifted his arms and they turned into wings And he covered my body and tore it apart
i liked those lines, tormenting and dark nicely written
Seems to me that you have been hurt by someone badly - You have a nice way of getting out your anger threw writting - I look at writting the same as a few other people on this site when i read a poem i see it as a reflection of the poets thoughts and feelings .. and your reflection .. pain hatred misary ... You say my cruel fate like all this was planned out the pain and what not ...
I think you did a fabulous job at this and it has a great tone to it -
the needle injecting sin is interesting i wonder if that is a general feeling or a specific event. the sin in the heart is very sad but it is something i can relate with. i tend to do these things to myself. yes crying out too and no answer seems like we have alot in common. the most powerful line here to me is "My soul hit the floor and it shattered apart" that is an awful thing but the description is magnificent. a mood altering poem with honesty throughout. take care, best wishes, and many blessings mike
I read this poem twice. I like the rhymes. I am so envious of people, like you, who can rhyme. Heheh.
Ok, now what was the picture that popped in my head... Hmmm...
The speaker, "tortured". Screamed for help from the gods. Something like: "God! If you love me, help me!" Unfortunately, no answer. Then the man (or woman), still "torturing" the speaker. This time, the man (the torturer) screams for an answer from the gods. Something like: "God! If you love this man/woman, help him/her now!"
This is what confused me... Why would the torturer (forgive my term) ask the gods to help the victim? Was the torturer a victim of the same situation in the past? Hmmm... Or is my imagination leading me from what the real meaning is....
About the needle and the sin... This confused me... The needly and sin is something like a "tranquilizer" of some sort, or something that paralyzed the speaker. In this poem, there were no signs or events that showed struggle... So I thought that it was a tranquilizer... or something like that...
Wait, the "torturer" injected his poison into the victim's heart then ripped the victim's heart out. Why? After doing that, he tore the victim's body apart... Hmmm... There must be something behind the sin... and the heart...
The last two lines really gave me a shock. Now it seems like the speaker and torturer are feeling the same way as the other does. My conclusion, whatever happened the torturer in the past, he/she did it to his/her victim. Then they now believe that there is no god. They both feel betrayed.
Forgive me if I went too far from what this originally meant... But I could not restrain myself from doing so. I rarely find these kinds of poems that can make me want to go deep into the writer's mind and find out what he was feeling while he was making this...
Very intriguing... I like it! If you have some free time... Please tell me what this poem is about... I could not get the meaning... I guess I took this poem too literally... but I still gave some thought about what could be the meaning... but nothing... please send me a message, i would love to hear from you.
wow. when reading this you would think the torturer is very sadistic, but he's cry to God almost tells me otherwise. This is good lady kitty. she crys for god and he leaves her in vain; the torturer crys for god-maybe to help him from commiting such an act of "betrayal"; and they both cry for god in the last one and both are left in vain once more. the comparison with the needle and being overcomed by sins is quite intriguing. your rhythm wasnt half bad-in fact the poem was easier to read because of it. and the flow wasnt choppy. it was short, simple, however i wouldnt say sweet. nice poem.
Wow...this is an interesting piece. I'm at a point where I feel sympathy for both parties in this piece. Is that pathetic? It almost seems like the "torturer" wanted to rip this person apart and yet when it was all said and done there was a level of regret and pain that they felt for what they had done. I could be completely off, but hey that's just what my mind decided to think about it. :) I like this piece a lot! Candi
this is such a unique masterpiece and amazing piece i am reallly left without words. This poem resembles something i would write i like the way it rhymes it flows and the images that you produce are just breathtaking. I think the title betrayal i so good for this poem its like the "torturer" did what he did maybe not have been conscious when he did what he did and upon realizing what he did he regreted the pain he inflicted. In the end they both merged together crying for hate and betrayal.
My fav part though was He was sliding so far inside of my skin he was pushing that damn needle again until I was tearing and bleeding within I was drowning in his evil sin
this part you can actually visualize the needle slowly sliding in and the tendons and muscles tearing and decaying from the evil sin.
very good write this definitely has to go in the fav pile
I believe this is about having sex/or being raped...if so...I hope this has never happened to you..Iknow someone that has been abused in that sort of way..I would like to rip there heart out and shove it up there ass, but I can't.......its a good poem though....tell me if I'm wrong or right
mmm... this sounds reallt clever.. and i dont understand it just yet.. but ill keep thinking about it..
The needle i havent figured out yet.. im kinda thinking that the 'he" is maybe representing evil or a sin or something,, maybe not an actual person.. it sounds kinda like hes an angel, but perhaps a fallen angel cos god doesnt answer him.. and you are committing some wrong cos god doesnt answer you..
maybe its an affair or something, but i somehow dont think so.. just that needle thing throws me.. at first it sounds like a ..ahem.. but i dont know..
I'll keep thinking about it.. maybe another hint would be good.. shanu
I read this poem twice. I like the rhymes. I am so envious of people, like you, who can rhyme. Heheh.
Ok, now what was the picture that popped in my head... Hmmm...
The speaker, "tortured". Screamed for help from the gods. Something like: "God! If you love me, help me!" Unfortunately, no answer. Then the man (or woman), still "torturing" the speaker. This time, the man (the torturer) screams for an answer from the gods. Something like: "God! If you love this man/woman, help him/her now!"
This is what confused me... Why would the torturer (forgive my term) ask the gods to help the victim? Was the torturer a victim of the same situation in the past? Hmmm... Or is my imagination leading me from what the real meaning is....
About the needle and the sin... This confused me... The needly and sin is something like a "tranquilizer" of some sort, or something that paralyzed the speaker. In this poem, there were no signs or events that showed struggle... So I thought that it was a tranquilizer... or something like that...
Wait, the "torturer" injected his poison into the victim's heart then ripped the victim's heart out. Why? After doing that, he tore the victim's body apart... Hmmm... There must be something behind the sin... and the heart...
The last two lines really gave me a shock. Now it seems like the speaker and torturer are feeling the same way as the other does. My conclusion, whatever happened the torturer in the past, he/she did it to his/her victim. Then they now believe that there is no god. They both feel betrayed.
Forgive me if I went too far from what this originally meant... But I could not restrain myself from doing so. I rarely find these kinds of poems that can make me want to go deep into the writer's mind and find out what he was feeling while he was making this...
Very intriguing... I like it! If you have some free time... Please tell me what this poem is about... I could not get the meaning... I guess I took this poem too literally... but I still gave some thought about what could be the meaning... but nothing...
wow. this one reminds me of that movie Constantine where this guy is trying to save his soul by doing good and killing deamon and the devils soliders and stuff because he knows that when he dies he is destined to go to hell.
anyway I liked this one. The rhyming was a bit inconsistant but I guess that can be overlooked. I get the whole loneliness in death thing. It's like you don't know how it feels to be alone until you lose your life. IT's kind of like my poem "fatality of the system".
Using a needle with a long, slender point he injected my heart with his sin I looked up to the Gods and I screamed out for help as his poison bled quietly in
It is ironc how he cries out for help after he commited the ultimate sin.
Well that's all for now. I enjoyed this one. thanx for suggesting it.
-Janese He was sliding so far inside of my skin he was pushing that damn needle again until I was tearing and bleeding within I was drowning in his evil sin
It's like you fighting with an invisible demon. kind of like the devil and the angle on your shoulders.
Submission Name: Betrayal
