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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Keeper of the Dreamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: poppa jon
    ASL Info:    44 /m /N.E.
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 34/46/8
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 808
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 936



    Description:
       Sept of "94"


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKeeper of the Dreamdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rise up to this world,
    of plastic wood and steele.
    Lose not the vision of your dreams,
    Allow yourself to feel!

    As a child learns to crawl,
    Know that walking follows.
    Lose not the vision of your dreams.
    They may come true tommorrow

    Onward ever growing.
    As a child tries to run,
    Often there are trips and falls,
    Yet the dream continues on.

    As a child rises weeping,
    From a fall that caused a bruise.
    It's the dream thats always keeping.
    always speaking what to choose!

    A child will not surrender.
    Trying once again to run.
    The vision barely waivers,
    Once the dreaming has begun.

    Lose not the vision of your dreams!
    They are a glimpse into your soul!
    Mix them with reality,
    And watch them always Grow







    Submitted on 2005-08-12 15:56:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is an outstanding poem! Very nicely written and expressed and I love how you used the development of a child to contrast with dreams! It sends a great message to never give up in life and never give up on your dreams either! Dreams are truly a great part of life! They are a much needed motivational and inspirational tool! This is a very good poem! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice liked it a lot! dreams are precious these days so easy to just move on to a new dream... when we fall short or they just don't come true in our minds.

    If we could hold onto our way of thinking like when we were children it would be so much easier but as we get older we build walls with time... this was really good
    Peace!
    Penny
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by pennymarie | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a great write. I really liked how you used a child's "milestones" to compare to dreaming. This says so much, if a child gave up after the first fall, he'd never walk; just as if you give up on your dream after the first "failure" you'll never taste success. So many people lose sight of their dreams. Anything is possible, it just takes a lot of work and determination to achieve that goal.
    Great write! Awesome message!
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Everything about this is great. The wording is perfect, and the end actually made me smile. I like this a lot. You are really talented. I wish I could expand more, but I'm practically speechless. Great job

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Great use of imagry and metaphors Hmm.. I have to say I did enjoy this poem I really felt where you were coming from
    And it all kinda unraveled itself to me like a story it was a good read no real errors any where and I completely understood the situation.By the way I'm No Talent check out some of my work sometime
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by No Talent | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this. I like the images and feeling that I get from it.

    However and maybe it is just me, but I stumble a bit in places.

    Rise up to this world,
    of plastic wood and steele.
    keep the vision of your dreams,
    Allow yourself to feel!

    "lose not" seems clunky to me.

    keep also adds alliteration to steele- keep- feel.

    And watch them always Grow

    Are you certain you need "always" in this line?

    I also don't understand the need for the cap on grow.

    I truly enjoyed the read. Thanks for sharing it.
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]


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