Pieces of her life *Updated* -------------------------------------------
V1
Wanting to move to another town
Always ending the day with a frown
No one ever listens to her
To everyone else shes just a blur
Everybody seems to be so happy
So why does she feel so crappy
How come we didn't see the warnings
Who knew we would be mourning
Chorus
All the pieces of her life flipped upside down and theres no one there when she hits the ground
Everytime she moves
Everytime she cries
Slowly but surely we all die
V2
She would always run away from her home
what was the difference 'cause everywhere she was all alone
Sat on the street with her head in her knees
She would always pray "God help me please".
Hated herself even more everyday
Why couldn't her life go her way?
What does it matter now shes underground
But now everyone misses her around
Chorus
She just wanted some help,neede some help
Someone there to care
Her life was such a living hell
Never brokefree of her shell
She just needed someone there
(guitar break)
Now she lays there all alone at night
And inside her souls crying out with fright
They all her do this to herself
And now shes locked up in a cold lonely cell
Yeah its a realy fukking good one u shld start writing lyrics for the band goes god know i suck lmfa ourrrggggggggggg its reallly good lmfao ~~[{KOHL}]~~
OOOOOO SURAH I [censored]ING LOVE IT!! I [censored]ING LOVEEEEEEEE YOUU!! OOO I CAN'T WAIT TIL NOV. 1 WHEN WE [censored]ING VOLUNTEER FOR THEM! YEAY! HEHEH [censored] CENSORED [censored] CENSORED HAHAH ^_^ I LOVEE IT KEEP IT [censored]ING ROCKIN'
not a bad piece overall. you might want to look at a couple of things. one being the number of syllables in each verse, it would really help with the flow. two in the chorus you start with the speed of light then slow to the speed of sound, it doesnt exactly make sense. theres a lot of potential here, just a little more time needed. i like to write things like this then put it away for a few days then come back to it. it gives me a different perspective and helps with the editing process. good job
Ok, this was ok as a song, but it would be great as a poem. I'm not sure of any known songs that use the word 'crappy', maybe try finding another word that rhymes and it might improve the "song-ness" of this piece. It's just that the word crappy totally threw me off course. Though, overall, this was very nice and you did display your feelings very well, so I do congragulate you on that. I could also relate to some of the feelings. It's like you have so much to say, but even if you scream out how you feel inside, nobody would hear you...all they would hear is this muffled sound caught up in the wind. Again, good job, but I would suggest another word than crappy, lol.
wow i liked it ...althought it sounds alot like my poem pieces...i donno it was still really good i really liked the lines: At the speed of light at the speed of sound,she helplessly lying on the ground they really painted a picture great job! -morbid
So I'm assuming she's dead now, right? Cause that's what I was thinking, but then it said "shes locked up in a cold lonely cell" and "inside her souls crying out with fright" which kind of threw me off. But I'm gonna comment as if she IS dead. Just correct me later if I'm wrong.
It seems like she was dead long before she "peaced out" (as some would say). I like how you explained in detail how she felt, instead of just saying "she was sad." You know? It sounds like a lovely song that I would like hearing.
My favorite part is: "At the speed of light at the speed of sound,she helplessly lying on the ground"
you're welcome . Thanks for commenting me to . I just realy love you're poem's I cannot stop saying that lol . well any way I am off to a birthday party so I have to go good job . brianna
hey.. there are no words to describe this song...its good-very good...it would be cool if i could hear it, and there's not much i can say to u...cuz i could either fill an entire page or i could just say, good job..and since i dont feel like going on and on right now: good job this really conveys a sense of loneliness and being lost and i like that.. GREAT job cheers keep writing Deeps
Well, I think that the last verse is missing a word or two, so it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but once those words are added, it'll be really great. The rest of this wasn't too bad...for lyrics though, just keep in mind that you don't need to harsh of a rhyming scheme. It can tend to seem a little "forced" and can take away from the song. I really did like this though, don't get me wrong. It would be very interesting to hear this put to music. Otherwise great job! Keep it up! Candi
i thought it was a good song, it would be good to hear it, but it seemed more like a poem than a song, the difference is that a song isnt really strictly rhyming, whereas a poem kind of is, i think you could have used better words, they seemed kinda simple, dont get me wrong, it was good, but dont stop improving it!
Submission Name: Pieces of her life *Updated*
