A Pretty, Porcelain Egg by LoneWolf

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Submission Name: A Pretty, Porcelain Egg dots

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Author:	LoneWolf
ASL Info:	16/F/Earth
Elite Ratio:	4.35 - 136/108/19
Words:	141

Class/Type:	Poetry/
Total Views:	260
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	959

Description:
I DONT' KNOW HOW TO SPELL PORCELAIN! so i hope i spelled it right!!!!!

this is abotu something that happened to me and i made me an egg! origionally i said i was liek a clam that got smashed so the crane and eat the insides (yummy when steamed with eggs) but i decided a pretty, porcelain egg was better!!!

i was tryign a new kind of poetry so maybe it's not as good as it could have been and maybe too much repeats?

A Pretty, Porcelain Egg dots

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A pretty, porcelain egg
Sits in a glass case
Dark secrets inside
Painted designs on the face

A foolish man
Wants to learn the secret
Opens the glass case
Takes the egg and keeps it

A pretty, porcelain egg
Taken from her seat
Holds on to her secret
She will not be beat

A stupid man
Asks the egg to open
Reveal everything
Or she will be broken

A pretty, porcelain egg
Locked shut for good
Tries to escape
If only she could

A desperate man
Smashes the egg in
Pieces are flying
He sees what's within

A broken, porcelain egg
No one cares how she feels
Comes back as stone
Renforced with steel

A cold, stone egg
Never to be moved from her place
Now an evil, steel egg
An egg named Grace

Submitted on 2005-08-12 21:40:56 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  THis was really good...the flow was amazing except that it got a little off but that's not that much of a problem. I really loved this one...the metaphor was intresting and unique. I can't think of anything to give critism for here. I just really like how this went at a steady pace almost as a story and kept the readers attention. I'm saying this is a favorites add.
Thanks for posting it. keep writing.
peace
| Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
  Oo I loved this, it was very beautiful. I liked how you used the egg (unigue joice, i like :) to represent you. The flow was very good too, except at the end, you lost me a little there, but only a little. Nothing some time and good thinking shan't fix...

Fantastic job dear.

-Miss M.
| Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by fightingirl19 | [ Reply to This ]
  This write you totally took your reader for a trip into your life
I did not know you were referring to your own life until the very last line
After seeing that line I want back and reread it and you described your pain perfectly
A very Good Write

By the way the poem cardboard memories was issued as a challenge by another poet named sierramuse8
It is about sportcards and the memories they contain

The names were of some baseball players i admire

Im glad you liked it thou
Have A Blessed day
Take Care
Ron
| Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  i can totally relate to this poem, i love the metaphor about how a girl is a fragile egg. and how the man holds a dark secret. Very good poem. Is the man desperate or could he be despondent or deceptive or malicious- why is he desperate, if i have the meaning of this right, the man is cunning and malicious and every other word used to describe the type of person he is-if anything the egg is desparate for escape. anyway, it is a good poem, tweek the words a little and it could be a little more clear.
| Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by ptagirl | [ Reply to This ]
  Porcelain
She will nto be beat... nto? not?
Taked the egg and keeps it ... took?

I enjoyed this very much. I think it is a wonderful metaphor. It flows well and the meaning is clear.

I think you may want to keep your metaphor consistent in the last verse

Maybe:
A cold, metal egg
Never to be moved from her place
Now an evil, steel egg
An egg named Grace
| Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]

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