Description: I DONT' KNOW HOW TO SPELL PORCELAIN! so i hope i spelled it right!!!!!
this is abotu something that happened to me and i made me an egg! origionally i said i was liek a clam that got smashed so the crane and eat the insides (yummy when steamed with eggs) but i decided a pretty, porcelain egg was better!!!
i was tryign a new kind of poetry so maybe it's not as good as it could have been and maybe too much repeats?
A Pretty, Porcelain Egg -------------------------------------------
A pretty, porcelain egg
Sits in a glass case
Dark secrets inside
Painted designs on the face
A foolish man
Wants to learn the secret
Opens the glass case
Takes the egg and keeps it
A pretty, porcelain egg
Taken from her seat
Holds on to her secret
She will not be beat
A stupid man
Asks the egg to open
Reveal everything
Or she will be broken
A pretty, porcelain egg
Locked shut for good
Tries to escape
If only she could
A desperate man
Smashes the egg in
Pieces are flying
He sees what's within
A broken, porcelain egg
No one cares how she feels
Comes back as stone
Renforced with steel
A cold, stone egg
Never to be moved from her place
Now an evil, steel egg
An egg named Grace
THis was really good...the flow was amazing except that it got a little off but that's not that much of a problem. I really loved this one...the metaphor was intresting and unique. I can't think of anything to give critism for here. I just really like how this went at a steady pace almost as a story and kept the readers attention. I'm saying this is a favorites add. Thanks for posting it. keep writing. peace
Oo I loved this, it was very beautiful. I liked how you used the egg (unigue joice, i like :) to represent you. The flow was very good too, except at the end, you lost me a little there, but only a little. Nothing some time and good thinking shan't fix...
This write you totally took your reader for a trip into your life I did not know you were referring to your own life until the very last line After seeing that line I want back and reread it and you described your pain perfectly A very Good Write
By the way the poem cardboard memories was issued as a challenge by another poet named sierramuse8 It is about sportcards and the memories they contain
The names were of some baseball players i admire
Im glad you liked it thou Have A Blessed day Take Care Ron
i can totally relate to this poem, i love the metaphor about how a girl is a fragile egg. and how the man holds a dark secret. Very good poem. Is the man desperate or could he be despondent or deceptive or malicious- why is he desperate, if i have the meaning of this right, the man is cunning and malicious and every other word used to describe the type of person he is-if anything the egg is desparate for escape. anyway, it is a good poem, tweek the words a little and it could be a little more clear.
Submission Name: A Pretty, Porcelain Egg
. keep writing.