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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Take it... please... (updated)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Namlooc20
    ASL Info:    26/Male/Spokane, WA
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 359/327/107
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Poetry/I am dead inside
    Total Views: 1168
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 884



    Description:
       This is a poem that I actually I have rewritten... seriously... I don't usually rewrite my writes... because well if you look at some of my other work the descriptions say why... anyway... I changed the name of it... it was orignally called "Physical darkness, Nature's beauty" I thought this sounded better...

    - Nammy


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTake it... please... (updated)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Fuck society
    And fuck what it's worth
    Fuck my mother
    And fuck the others she gave birth

    I want a life
    And not live in a dump
    Give me decent food
    You wasted drunk

    To tell you the truth
    you feel pity on me
    I know you do
    It's full of sympathy

    And there's your tears
    of joy and pain
    Well fuck you...
    good-bye my dear

    take your ambers
    of blue and gray
    take the summers
    take the days

    Take what you'd like
    And take what you need
    I won't need them
    Take me god.
    Bleed me dry.

    Gothy poetry
    We like to keep
    in our pure hearts
    and than one more line

    here is my angsty poem.

    I am, whatever I see...




    Submitted on 2005-08-12 21:48:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      yeah ur right the name change suited the poem better. there were a lot of things that you added that helped it out a lot, "bleed me dry" told me that you want the person to take everything that the wanted from you as long as you could have a life you are happy with. nice re-write, i enjoyed both the rough draft and this.
    | Posted on 2005-10-04 00:00:00 | by bluecrane | [ Reply to This ]
      Can't believe there's not a comment my dear. This has to be a new fave. You are a really great writer...well i haven't read anything else from you so I spose that means this is a really good write but I bet you're a really great writer...okies ima stop now. Um...a rewrite you say? I don't like doing that either..I feel it takes away from the purity of the piece..takes away from the raw core emotion that you felt when writing it in the first place. Am-a-::zing:: I can relate oh so much to it you see and in all reality life sucks. Just keep your chin up, with darkness there comes a light.

    Blessed Be
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by Sarah Leger | [ Reply to This ]
      Great use of imagry and metaphors Hmm.. I have to say I did enjoy this poem I really felt where you were coming from
    And it all kinda unraveled itself to me like a story it was a good read no real errors any where and I completely understood the situation.By the way I'm No Talent check out some of my work sometime
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by No Talent | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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