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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Are you holydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: leper messiah
    ASL Info:    21~f~New England
    Elite Ratio:    5.02 - 197/249/38
    Words: 361
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1118
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2340



    Description:
       very long, much longer than usual ones...ive had this written for a very long time as well, it could use cutting but i don't want to touch it yet, not yet...because it has sentimental value between me and (dearly departed). i believe i was not sober in writing this, its probably a good estimate...so for Christs sake be easy on it if youre planning on trashing it...it was very hard to put this here. my first new one in ages...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAre you holydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Are you holy

    way in the back
    in the very colourful, stained
    palm of the church
    a bomb will go off
    and the center moves toward
    an invisible loft
    as choirs of opal angels
    kiss the mahogany ground
    with white satin and iris petals
    the congregation sighs
    at the loud bang of christ
    so they see some new god
    the one of you and me,
    what drinks cherry coloured wine
    and smokes flavoured cigars,
    what casts not at a mass of
    tired and worn out
    <who groan ordinary-ordinary>
    but enlightens them as children
    would be, for you see
    I learned to play the violin
    and my singsong is very pale--
    ivory-steamed like an aria thats been
    baked in a sauna...take a grand eye;
    a look of pain towards your narrator's
    curved hand where i keep
    baby's breath and its fine new seeds
    Take a needle and thread and tie
    your soul in the eulogy's wake,
    it will be mine they read...
    and ill be smiling in the back, listening,
    not being there but lying face-up on a silver
    field somewhere else...By the by you forget
    your umbrella and the dew strings like pearls
    in your tangled gilt hair
    and people will somewhat shriek, not knowing
    what this presence is, they will waver and
    fade into the bleeding stained windowpanes
    tears in their mouths and soft, searching hands
    I say
    keep bursting, impeccable gift!
    Keep breathing soft because the air gets
    Stiff
    soon
    And nightlike
    When you get your halo and
    meet me by the marble doors,
    whatever we may be at the time...
    i'm made of harp wire and too bent to be
    Beautiful, but you--
    You lonesome stare like a nightingale
    It breaks my heart to see
    But there must be a crack in those windows, love
    Once you get through and perch on the belltower
    And wish for me
    I am the feathered dust that settles as the mass
    Closed its doors
    Stuck in the bang, the newness, the only
    I feel holy and i know what it is

    It is being alone when you need something the most





    Submitted on 2005-08-12 22:49:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      am I holy ?
    I had this personal question that needed to be answered as I read through your own exploration of this thought. The melancholy of it flowed like it was intoxicated by the black bile of Hippocrates. I mean it felt like exploring the old question of virtue in new ideas and new bodies.

    This was so beautiful because it was an honest about holiness and not shrouded with the usual self justifications and desire for painting the same butterfly over and over for eternity ...
    or something like that

    i have nothing but praise to this ..

    norselike,
    Christian
    | Posted on 2005-08-28 00:00:00 | by x-ianhoyskolt | [ Reply to This ]
      Oooh what a piece of art. This is an incredible write. It has been crafted with such precision and so beautifully articulated...Most captivating...the flow is really good. This is an interesting piece, it made me think about all the unpleasent things that we have to live with...Really its prepostrous for all the wars that are fought..they are absolutely redundant especially in the name of FAITH...Are we really HOLLY indeed...very moving piece...A worthwhile piece...Thank you for sharing..Nobantu
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]
      hi there.
    i hope you are well.

    i think it is a dangerous thing to post something if you are very sensitive about it.

    i think you have some really nice lines and things going on in here, but my overall opinion is that it is a mass of words that as a whole is really difficult to get through.
    the line read in such a breathless manner with little that seems to link many to the next that it is very heavy an difficult to take in everything you have said and then exactly what it is that you are trying to say.

    i really do like a lot of things in here but i feel like i have read over most of them. i do not want to go over this a pick it to bits because it seems that you do not want that. so the only suggestion i can have is that if you feel you want to work on this piece then somehow try and work through it so you have direction. you are clear with what you want to say, from start to end, and then you can fill in the gaps of the skeleton and build up the layers of description and move your piece and wind it around the reader, but at all times not letting us get too lost. some stanza organisation or punctuation of note may help this but it is difficult to help too much with this without being too specific and having a good couple of hours.

    take care indeed,
    on1eday.co.uk
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]
      OH MY FREAKING WOW!
    YOU ARE YOU!
    AND YOU ARE HERE!
    WOW!
    you have NO idea how much i have missed you... i was just past your page like yesterday... honestly... and youd been gone for like 60 days... maybe more... and i was losing hope you would ever come back... YAY!

    oh how i have missed reading your stuff... i have honestly never come across anyone else who writes like you and well... i am quite rusty in your style and i realise this comment will do the piece no justice...

    the start is beautifully crafted... the imagery and appeal to sight is brilliant... all those glorious colours... opal angels. mahogany floors... oooo...
    i was so getting stuck with the whole christ coming back again themes you seemed to be toying with and yet it wasnt really that you were getting at at all...

    i love the new image of god and the enlightenment it brings... taking us from beyond the humdrum of everyday lifeness and inspiring us... causing us to live again (or thats what its saying to me...)

    i love how this is so loosely linked... you just get into the groove and its like it switches tracks... like a train track switcher thingee... you know...? you think you know where you are headed and then theres a detour and while it at first seems completely irrelevant it drags you into its motion until you are so enthralled only to be detoured again... its brilliantly well done (even though im prolly not making any sense whatsoever...)

    now is where i am stuck...
    i cannot straighten it out enough to work out who is dead... i realise it is not you but its almost like the narrative voice wobbles a lil... im not sure... coz its not your eulogy theyre reading but the person who has died... right...?
    i love the forgotten umbrella and misunderstood presence...

    the air getting stiff... kinda reminds me of death... how the body grows so cold and stiff (theres a word that i dont wanna think about or spell and i am gonna leave the subject of death right now coz its messing me up tonight...)

    the end though... the end is beautiful april... it really is... from the made of harp wire too bent to be beautiful right through to the end... i am in love with the imagery and the tenderness...
    the self denigation and the angel like status of your loved one...

    your take on holiness is interesting... its such a new idea to me on so many levels and yet it so isnt... its like ive known it all along ive just only realised...

    im stuck in the bang... i can hear it... i understand the newness of it... i am simply in awe of the appeal this write had to my emotions... please dont stay away for too long chic... i really have missed you...
    i hope my comment wasnt too horrific...
    take care of you gorgeous girl!
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Well the first thing I will say is you definatley still have the wonderful ability to paint so many colors in your poetry without having it ever seem over bearing. You always amazed me with how you managed to do so. It makes me think back to something I wrote maybe a week ago. A rash piece about Dead prophets not being able to rise. I look to the church and I think what is holiness, something man states, and spreads onto his fellow man, but it should be what you feel in the pit of your stomach. A thing that when your without it you know how important it is to you. I think it was best said in Dogma that its not important what your faith is, but more so that you have faith.


    Ok so I rant...sorry
    I will say that having read over the piece a couple times I definatley need to digest this, but something definatley stuck out as I read

    "i'm made of harp wire and too bent to be
    Beautiful, but you-"

    Why do I feel as if this is and underlying theme in your writing, some major self image issue that you, in your eyes, could never be considered beautiful. But see I have conversed with you and shared poetry with you and know that there is great beauty in you and who you are. And I felt the need to state that.

    I have to say I did loose my place reading this, granted havent had any caffiene today so that may be it. But I think if you broke it up a lil more instead of having one GI NORMOUS paragraph it would make it a lil more reader friendly. But what do I know Im just shlub whos out of practice commenting. YEah I really rant to much, let me know if anything I said makes any sence.- The Grey Pilgrim
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by Mithrandir | [ Reply to This ]
      Bold and dareing is what comes to mind as I read this.
    The picture that was painted in the mind was very vivid.
    You said this was very long but I feel as if it was not long enough because I could go on reading this for awhile and never get bored with it.

    So here I sit with this image of a bang and a false christ like figure stands before me...calling for me to follow.

    Wonderful job

    ~shawn
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      It’s a very aggressive piece. I tried reading it aloud and I couldn’t find an appropriate area for a pause that would justify the emotional gymnastics this kid offers. To me… it did slow down as I got to the last leg of the whole thing… and I found myself nodding as I read the last line. It is louder than the rest not merely because it is detached… but simply because it glues everything. It adds those finishing touches. It rationalized things.

    Personally, I thought that was beautifully done.

    And, yeah… I do agree with that definition… at a certain neck-tilting angle. To be holy is to be the match in a torn down house in desperate need of burning… To be holy is to be a lighthouse that can walk but decides to stay near the shore… At least that’s what I think

    “it will be mine they read...
    and ill be smiling in the back, listening,”

    Well played… well made.

    “When you get your halo and
    meet me by the marble doors,
    whatever we may be at the time...
    i'm made of harp wire and too bent to be
    Beautiful, but you-
    You lonesome stare like a nightingale
    It breaks my heart to see
    But there must be a crack in those windows, love
    Once you get through and perch on the belltower
    And wish for me
    I am the feathered dust that settles as the mass
    Closed its doors
    Stuck in the bang, the newness, the only
    I feel holy and i know what it is”

    Although a bit confusing because of the random capitalizations scattered all over the place… I still think this is beautiful. It was like finding satisfaction by being a hero… feeling the weight of your existence by leaving everything else… including the ones that you’ve lived for… all because of a greater good that quenches your thirst for internal gratification.

    My philosophy professor told me that all human beings are selfish… and I think that’s true… but this is the best kind of selfishness… and probably the one that possesses an elegant beauty that dares you to paint a similar picture.

    As I said earlier… well played… well made.
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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