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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: white noisedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Abzy
    Elite Ratio:    7.6 - 65/62/20
    Words: 292
    Class/Type: Prose/Serious
    Total Views: 2366
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1642



    Description:
       Reformatting the soul - for dummies


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswhite noisedots
    -------------------------------------------


    You're sitting cross-legged on the floor in a white room. And everything is white, the walls, the ceiling...

    Where a door might have been there is only white, even in place of the door knob.

    The glare is everywhere, cast from an opaque light fitting, dispearsing, washing everything a monochrome. When you stare at it long enough it turns green and the room fades to black and this lingers as you slowly blink and turn your head.

    This is a meditative escape, this is a cell, a prism of light.

    Above the hum of white noise you can hear things and in the glare you can see. This is from having your ipod ever wired to your ears, the TV on and staring at a computer screen. This is your brain's automatic memory kicking in, because it doesn't remember anything else. This will fade away if you let it, this will be replaced by something new.

    Tell yourself: this is a meditative escape, this is my cell, my prism of light.

    When you reformat a hard disk drive, delete the data, this is an exothermic reaction. What we need now is some heat, some energy.

    Leave the paint brush on the drop cloth and dip your head in the tin of paint until you feel it wick through your eyebrows.

    Now dance.

    Dance to your own music, with the beat of a different drum. Twist and flail and writhe and whip. Keep the paint from your eyes until you are spent. Now lie down with the pain and be blinded by your art. What do you see?

    This is a meditative escape, this is your cell, you are a prism of light.




    Submitted on 2005-08-12 23:17:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Abzy [white noise]
    This is excellent – I relate to your feelings; your visuals. The Dance is beyond poignant – it moves and touches me in the same breath.

    Too many tie themselves into a mundane existence – free expression is an escape no one can orchestrate but yourself.

    The only change I'd make would be to regulate pace. Use longer stops than the many commas in the write – mix in dashes, semicolons etc. That way you control the flow and put more emphasis at your points of importance.

    typos: dispearsing -> dispersing; ipod -> iPod

    Thanx, C.U. encore

    uncreaTED (Mu-Wi)
    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by uncreaTED | [ Reply to This ]
      you made me think of Fight Club. haha. anyway, it was really well-written, the descriptions were good... I was actually thinking of dipping my head in paint when I read it... haha, seriously! but that's good, of course... it's not every time you come across something that actually makes you think about doing what it tells you to. I've never tried stuff like meditation, personally, so I don't really know what the hell it is about... but as I said, this was well-written. enjoyed reading it.
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by zhi wei | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmmm how soothing...such a tranquil piece...I loved its calming element, very beautifully crafted piece...I must say..this is the kind of piece one can meditate on...your final verse...ASTUTE...I loved this one...Thank you for sharing...Nobantu
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a well written piece. I know this might sound strange, kind of remind me of someone in an insane asylum. Everything so white. A meditative escape. Above all, it was a good white, excuse me I mean write.lol take care, wanda
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
      
    First and foremost, I must warn you that I am sitting in front of my computer screen with a bong and a glass of merlot. And I have realized that they don’t taste good together. But the poem currently has given me one of those “in the moment ephianys" that are often hard to come by, for that I thank you!
    I have been stuck on this third sentance (the one I am writng) because I have been meditating (well, more like spacing out) for the last 5 or fifteen minutes (or maybe shorter or longer, who knows)
    Much like the comments you have given me…. This poem threw me into an internal dialogue…

    *got lost again***


    *An hour or so later….*

    I think “dispersing” is spelled rong, (that’s what my spell check said).

    I am not too used to this “prose format” and have a bias towards poetic fragments and break-up in lines, but I think it flows well as prose, but some of the sentences I think need to be cut down a bit to make the message more fliud and concise.
    Like for example: Instead of, “Above the hum of white noise you can hear things and in the glare you can see”, maybe something like: “Above the hum of white noise you perceive strange noises and a dim glare (or something cut down along those lines, with a bit more description (more description but shorter, now that’s difficult sometimes).

    I am very tempted to play with the lines of this entire poem… can I can I??? (okay fine I’ll only mess with it a little bit. This could very well possibly be spitty advise, but that’s up to your judgment)



    Okay now aside form all this mechanical mind roller type of stuff, lets talk about the conceptual:
    YOWZERS! I am thinking to myself, I need to get my azzer off this computer! You're seeking the tune to an internal rhythm that never stops, but theres always too much going on to listen to it… and when we finally do ,its all the hum of information media, adversting, cars on freeways, relationship drama that clutter and intrude the light of revelation! I am inspired! I want to play with your piece .. (that sounded kinda dirty but I didnt mean it that way)… I want to play with these ideas!


    The literal head dunk into paint depicting “being fully involved in one’s work is a superb allegory….
    !

    I want to rant


    Above the hum of white noise you perceive strange noises and a dim glare.
    This is from having your ipod [stamped?] to your ear
    with the TV flicks and the computer glare….


    *an hour later, I lose the file (computer jacks up), a recovery back up is here, but only a piece, bu t most of my comment is here.. the longest time I ever spent on a comment, but I spent most of the time medititaing (I mean, spacing out)

    sorry, I didnt complete my spell check before I posted this, for fear that the computer may dissipate my dialogue with your most amazing poem/ I went back and edited to the best of my abitlity at this time,,,
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by screams | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    70372

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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