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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Memento Moridots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: zhi wei
    ASL Info:    17, Male, Malaysia.
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 171/203/53
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 1014
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1126



    Description:
       came across this Latin quotation "memento mori" which means "remember that you must die". got inspired.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMemento Moridots
    -------------------------------------------


    The faint unruffled ringing that remains,
    like a watch, an alarm that mechanically maintains.
    A sturdiness in sound, a steadiness in stain;
    but in its faded familiarity, it stays arcane.

    Yet unlike clockwork, it incorporates ignorance
    of the moving minutes, the hours’ difference;
    It owns a knowledge that knows neither existence
    nor the strength of its seeming significance.

    Like children tossed up high in a gentle grace,
    bursting with bliss of floating in space;
    Alas, in truth only awaiting a fall to replace,
    awaiting its arms for a sinister embrace.

    In our passionate desire for personal reward,
    Consider that both rags and riches will afford
    the lingering reminder of nature’s accord,
    predestined, predictable, but in its inevitability ignored.

    ’Tis on your doorsteps, be gracious and attend
    to what is now your sole companion and friend.
    The bleeding will start, the breathing will end,
    For this was where life ended, and where death once began.




    Submitted on 2005-08-13 10:34:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow! this was really great...It reminds me of an Emily Dickinson Poem...let me remember...umm, I think it was called,uh, "i felt a funeral in my brain" something like that...that's not it, can't remember the title, but it was about accepting death and rather then fearing and being hostile towards it, the speaker is kind and treats it as a guest, just talks about walking w/ death-

    I like the last two stanzas the best, they were briliant.

    "In our passionate desire for personal reward,
    Consider that both rags and riches will afford
    the lingering reminder of nature’s accord,
    predestined, predictable, but in its inevitability ignored.

    ’Tis on your doorsteps, be gracious and attend
    to what is now your sole companion and friend.
    The bleeding will start, the breathing will end,
    For this was where life ended, and where death once began."

    You're right, it is inevitable, but we choose to ignore it 'cause we think it'll make our lives easier, when in all truths, if you don't learn to accept earlier then in the end it will scare you..
    Yeah, be gracious and kind...always, right...
    you did a wonderful job here, your tone wasn't as sad and deathly as Dickinsons- which the one I'm talking about was probably one of her most light-hearted pieces-your tone was a little more merrier but in the end it was as serious as Dickinson...
    Good job on this one.
    -stacey-
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by idlewriter | [ Reply to This ]
      There is a very good image in this poem of an old watch ticking away remorselessly, but because we are familiar with the sound, we ignore it. One day the preset alarm will go off. However, you nearly smother the image in words! The English language has a vast lexicon and you must consider very carefully each and every word you use. If you use a whole heap of long, multi-syllabled, impressive sounding Latinate words, your poem will become cumbersome and top-heavy. Good words need to be used sparingly like spice in a meal. They have to be padded out with the ordinary dull everyday words, the meat and vegetables so to speak. If I might just list the type of words I mean from your first two verses.
    mechanically maintains sturdiness steadiness familiarity arcane incorporates ignorance difference knowledge existence significance.

    Not one of those words is wrong or inappropriate in sense, but in their totality they create a style more suitable to a university textbook than a poem. The problem is exacerbated by your choice of rhyme. Sometimes you have four lines all rhyming together. Lighten up your poetry, use more of the rhythms and language of ordinary speech. Look specifically for the short pithy Anglo-Saxon words. I make these comments of course, because you are obviously a talented poet who will grow and develop further with timely advice.
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      this piece is excellent you just keep surprising me just when think that there is no other subject that can impress me you took death and turned it into a masterpiece. I like the idea of death being a clock ticking away until the bleeding starts and the breathing startst

    will comment more tomorrown
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by ladydeathstrike | [ Reply to This ]


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