Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Jailed Edendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BenCollier
    Elite Ratio:    3.72 - 425/386/88
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 649
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 653



    Description:
       Thoughts about my wife's previous marriage and what I hope I have released her from.

    For Felicia


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJailed Edendots
    -------------------------------------------


    A life held captive
    Stagnation forced, unchecked
    Beauty left stranded
    Her world is wracked

    A man's pathetic attempt
    To dam natural growth
    Evident evolution
    Of God's betroth

    She accepted her place
    As wife, as slave?
    Muddled dismissal
    Tether her life, his enclave

    Love anew spurs awakening
    Self aware, an emergence
    A chrysalis blooms
    Nurture and devotion. a confluence

    For now till I sleep
    All eternity above
    Never shall you fester
    And always shall I love






    Submitted on 2005-08-13 13:21:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this poem spoke to me in so many ways. i always thought of marriage as being caged when i was with my husband. i felt like my wings had been clipped. i realized after we divorced that i had always been free, he was just not allowing me to spead my wings. beautifully written
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]
      I understand your poem is such a different way...I'm a child of divorce! Both of my parents were trapped with eachother...Its always better to see them happy with better people like you!
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by deathbelow | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem though not something I can relate to spoke to me. I find that although I can't relate your feelings become mine. I hope to read more of these such beuatifully written poems.
    -Sageeriol
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this was so sweet to write this for your wife. It was heartfelt and it was romantic. I liked to way you described her life with her ex and how you would be different. This poem had a nice flow and it was well written.
    Maggie
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      You go boy! Her knight in shining armor (or amour!)
    I was married for 10 years to a person that couldn't even understand nor appreciate me and I've not found Mr. Right but I'm way alright with me!
    I'm sure she appreciates you sooo much!
    This was beautiful!
    Love,Peace,Joy! tif ; )
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Dave, very neat!

    You've covered all the main points of your theme well, and it reads nice and easily with a good flow.

    I have a couple of small ideas, but they're only tiny, so I won't bother, it's a arather nice write as it is.

    I see you've been posting while I sleep. Must catch up!

    This is good.

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very beautiful poem. I think it's very well written. Wonderful words that held me throughout the entire read. I can't say what part I like the best, it's all goood. Lots of luck,
    bgj
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by bgj | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    70424

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry