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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: F-ing War on Terrordots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 163
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 835
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1060



    Description:
       F-ing is not the expected contraction in this piece.

    I know they have renamed the efforts against terror.

    Manure by any other name has the same stench.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsF-ing War on Terrordots
    -------------------------------------------


    To make a war on terror,
    to me, is filling
    fire extinguishers with gasoline.

    I interchange two letters.
    Small changes make a big difference.
    I replace the n in on with f
    and find my greatest fear.

    We've lost the wars on poverty,
    drugs and many others.
    Still they are declared to be chariots
    of salvation and protection.

    They do not mend
    but rather extend
    and then append to sorrow.

    A piece of peace
    is body-bagged
    in each battle.

    Our feelings grow cold
    until they freeze-dry our freedom.
    Then that cracks and crumbles
    with the slightest touch.

    There is no reconstituted brew
    for us to enjoy and left unchecked
    no constitution left to protect us.

    I'd prefer declaring a peace on war.
    Peace and love are pillows
    that suffocate hate.

    There is no I in war,
    and no winning either.




    Submitted on 2005-08-13 14:05:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      BRILLIANT such clever word play and such concise language..you have real skil
    Yur anger and frustration is honed like a 'whetted knife' and you make your point so well, it feels really sharp. i am so glad i have found you here and look forwad to reading more
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
      here we go now, you now how to press the right buttons ill say. i feel this is almost a continuation to the write "hear that" i feel more anger here then the other write. filling fire extuishers with gasoline! that is off the friggin hook! I love the replace the n with f for the war of terror instead of war on terror, that is a brilliant touch.

    dont you just love (sacasm) the double speak in this administration? war on terror (our freedom), clean skies act (loose standards on industry), healthy forests initiative (more logging), tax cut (more money for the rich), heath care (forget it) watch out now! we might have to report to room 104 (1984) or in this case cuba that where all the bad "evil doers" go.

    yeah it does feel like Bush is the self proclaimed cesear now if only congress would do the job and take him... hehehehe dont wanna say the rest.

    (possible correction) 5th stanza seems like there needs to be an "a" between "is" and "body" 6th stanza is awesome and immortal, i bow to that entire stanza and to this piece in general. freedom its an empty word they use these days freedom they thrown around like a dirty rag.

    I love (sarcasm) how Fox paints the screen with a flag then at the same time watching that idiot Bill O-really. I call him O-really no spin zone my freaking a** he is a pompous blowhard who has shut off mics to those who dont agree with the mainline insanity. i hate fox now! and i love the simspons too but i wont watch it they angered me a great deal with the present day nazism that just reeks off that station. middle finger salute to Fox!

    yes the constitution is under attack in every way through executive orders and new laws patriot act 1 and 2. they will chisel away it at any way they can. for a country that was founded on BS to begin with it not hard to belive that thing have gotten so bad here and those people that say this is still the best country to live in, that gives me the feeling of folks who will die in the slow death of ignorance. it the complacent person motto we are still the best or my favorite if you dont like it get out now im staying and im going to point out every adminstrations faults and wrong doing i did it when clinton was in office and ill keep doing it till they get someone in there worthy of the position which so far in my life hasnt happened. the fcc is clamping down on radio trying to get those who oppose certain stations that follow like sheep or anyone who has anti war sentiment off, ive seen the attack.

    the last part about no I in war, i share that "I" too and say enough to war. thank you for this wonderful write you know where it is going i have connected deeply to it and its brilliance. also its message of peace in it is very heartfelt,
    mike super smileys for this write peace and blessings
    | Posted on 2005-08-28 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you for letting me know this was here. And for your comment on "our nations True frustration" I thought i would find others frustrated also.Fire extinguishers with gasoline is DEAD ON POINT ! his seems to state the lack of sanity to attack blindly . I often say that the bullet with my name on it does not scare me I can dodge that one. It is the one addressed "TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN !"
    That Scares Me ! A LOT OF THEM GOING AROUND LATELY !
    God Bless And thanks Again
    JON
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by poppa jon | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, let's fill the fire extinguishers with gasoline and in turn fill the human beings with fear. Even better, make the fear irrational so we just burn up our energy. So we can't fight back with our minds or heart. It's a smokescreen, as we are fighting against the wrong enemy. The cowards are in control.

    Just like capiltalism and the competition for resources breeds contempt for those fighting for their lives, it keeps us all busy while they steal.

    But we know where the gold is, it just might be that some of it finds its way across waters. Once love is moving, there isn't much that can stop it. I love the quirky absurdity of your ideas on this one!

    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-08-20 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm.. I have to say I did enjoy this poem I really felt where you were coming from
    And it all kinda unraveled itself to me like a story it was a good read no real errors any where and I completely understood the situation.
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by No Talent | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my!

    I have missed your poems.

    This is simply wonderful, the clever play on words as usual, yet there is a slight bitterness behind this...

    I agree with what the poem-what you-are saying. I wish I could better express myself right now, but the message this conveys is powerful.

    A piece of peace
    is body bagged
    in each battle


    That is simply fantastic. Wow.

    This is a favourite. Your words resonate very deeply. I only wish that something could change but it doesnt.

    guess the war on terror will be just as 'unsuccessful' as the so called war on drugs.

    alexis
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]
      Good thought - no, GREAT thoughts. A bit of criticism:
    The second stanza is a bit too explicit; still, I like the alliterative last line. It "works".
    The second stanza: Perhaps it would be better to eliminate "to be".
    Fourth stanza: I'm sure your placement of "to sorrow" on the same line (rather than its own line) was deliberate. Please explain.
    Fifth stanza: WOW! Excellent.
    Sixth stanza: "Then that"...seems awkward. I assume you wanted to create a "crackly" and "crumbly" sense to the phrasing, but to me it doesn't really work well.
    7th stanza: Perhaps "There is" could be eliminated; it usually weakens both prose and poetry.
    For all my picking of the nits, I truly like this.
    Stay Gold,
    fred
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
      very well said Chrys.. your first line just blows it wide open. "you cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war..." we opened a huge can of worms and now they are crawling everywhere. it disgusts me.

    I'd prefer declaring a peace on war.
    Peace and love are pillows
    that suffocate hate.

    too bad the powers that be don't see it that way. the egos that run the show could never admit they were wrong...

    powerful peace/piece Chrys. thanks for sharing.
    peace&peace
    @ Cat
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      There are times when I can't offer much in the way of helpful commentary, when I can just say a poem was powerful and honest and hit me with truths and made me stop and think.

    This was one of those poems. I love the gasoline in fire extinguishers metaphor and it's a beauty. Your substitution of letters is a nice touch too. My greatest fear is biological attack though for many its a suitcase nuke, still I think the bio is worse, if only because it can spread to ALL of humanity, whereas a nuke has limited range. Both are terrible to contemplate.

    It is a war OF terror on both sides, no matter what they say. A dangerous crusade, god help us all.

    My sentiments are in accord with yours here, insofar as I believe this hasn't been the solution touted in all the briefings prior to its undertaking. War is never the answer beyond the immediate halt of aggressions. Once carried beyond that, it becomes a hungry thing chewing up everything in sight, devouring ppl and materials and morale and our ideas about what it means to be human, and a world community.

    Powerful stuff, C.
    | Posted on 2005-08-21 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      "Small changes make a big difference"

    This is by far the most powerful statement in your poem.
    Your poem gets those who can think, thinking.
    Everything starts small, even the big differences. Haven't we got ourselves here through the years?

    Starting with the cave man who created the knife and later on our weapons grew in size and in effect. They kill more.
    Gets us to think will we annihilate ourselves? Us the superior species? Animals kill to survive, to eat, we kill for greed!

    Maybe your philosophy here is not original, Ghandi felt the same about violence, he believed the same thing you said, peace for violence. But men certainly need someone to remind them that.

    Your poem is a great reminder! Simple, honest and with the right amount of rage!

    They do not mend
    but rather extend
    and then append to sorrow.

    Nice rhythm in this stanza, but I would place to sorrow on the next line, as sort of emphasis. the rhyme u chose sounds a bit like a moan of pain, a moan that these innocent ppl dying, give as last sound.

    I'd prefer declaring a peace on war.
    Peace and love are pillows
    that suffocate hate.

    This is very powerful! It is a bit talking to those ppl with their own language, only to convey a different message, a message of peace!

    Very powerful write!
    Thanks for sharing

    PEACE!
    Viviane
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      There is no I in war,
    and no winning either.

    These two lines said it all. People don't win wars, if they did there would be no death. How can anyone say they won a war, when so many people have paid the ultimate price.

    Our government are the terrorists. Who are they to say how other countries should live and rule. They started the war, and now our American people are fighting it every day. What is wrong with the world? And hate is the epitome of all evil.

    This piece speaks so much truth. If only it could speak to all those who think they are doing good in this war OF terror.

    Crystal
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]


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