[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Conversationdots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2779/1297/258
    Words: 177
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 590
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1462

       Closure for a relationship finished for fifteen years doesn't always come easily. This is a final thought on a girl who tried to re-enter my life five years after she left it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Conversationdots

    It's been awhile,
    long enough to
    seem polite...

    Yeah,well I
    gotta get in
    the car and
    go with
    these people

    But I'll-
    no, not now;
    maybe when
    the planets realign,
    the heavens melt
    and harden into
    dreams laced
    with nostalgic,
    sour offerings,
    the earth bows
    at your discretion,
    and I become
    with the trick that
    turned two
    bodies into one,
    maybe then
    I'll come.

    Speaking so openly
    is the same escapade as
    the swift whisper past
    half opened doors
    full of drama
    I never paid
    the privilege for,
    with dust gathered
    on every kiss,
    and every chained embrace
    an empty metaphor,
    a third ressurrection
    of this hopelessness
    would seem
    remiss, abhored.

    I can't do
    it's not that
    it isn't
    it is;
    I just wish
    it was
    what it
    could have


    I'll do what's most
    appropriate, I guess:
    shall I garland
    your neck
    with a gentle
    kiss or
    bite your lip
    with a brutal

    Submitted on 2005-08-13 23:37:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      A very openly from the inside work, something I relate to well. This really makes me think of actually what I am experiencing this very moment in life...having crossed paths with a former lover/gf...we lived together for over five years, came within a month of being married...seperated...no communication..for over two years and now are in some sort of totally wierd dating senario? I guess you would call it?
    This work is making me expand to that...apoligies
    especially the words...
    what it could have been...
    Possibilities always exsist within life...circles of life take strange paths yet move towards completion when meant to be.
    Excellent write and I wish you the best.
    | Posted on 2005-10-19 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
      There's a lot of emotion behind this. I'm sorry this is happening to you, it must be pretty confusing. *hugs*
    "I just wish
    it was
    what it
    could have
    I love those lines, they're just amazing.
    Chin up, sunshine. It'll all work out.
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, that really does suck. but if you were trying to make it sound like a conversation, then that whole third section was a little off. It made it sound more dreamy. But if a guy ever really did say that I'll put money on it that, that the girl he says it to will walk away.
    well thats pretty much it. hope it all works out for the best.
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by Lachesis | [ Reply to This ]
      this was great. honest, compelling and full of emotion. I agree that these lines are fantastic:
    "I just wish
    it was
    what it
    could have

    that's where I think you should end the poem. the other lines seem extraneous. but it's a very good poem. I really like this very much. nice work.
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice. Sort of nostalgic cynicism, I like the "wish it was what it could have been" showing that it never reached its potential.

    Your format really worked this piece along, with the stuttering effect of falling down a flight of stairs fitting well with the story.

    Yeah, I liked it a lot.

    Be Happy

    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Legends written by poetotoe
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Genesis written by saartha
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]