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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Conversationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 177
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 552
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1462



    Description:
       Closure for a relationship finished for fifteen years doesn't always come easily. This is a final thought on a girl who tried to re-enter my life five years after she left it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Conversationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It's been awhile,
    long enough to
    seem polite...

    Yeah,well I
    gotta get in
    the car and
    go with
    these people
    someplace...

    But I'll-
    no, not now;
    maybe when
    the planets realign,
    the heavens melt
    and harden into
    dreams laced
    with nostalgic,
    sour offerings,
    the earth bows
    at your discretion,
    and I become
    reacquainted
    with the trick that
    turned two
    bodies into one,
    maybe then
    I'll come.

    Speaking so openly
    is the same escapade as
    the swift whisper past
    half opened doors
    full of drama
    I never paid
    the privilege for,
    with dust gathered
    on every kiss,
    and every chained embrace
    an empty metaphor,
    a third ressurrection
    of this hopelessness
    would seem
    remiss, abhored.

    I can't do
    this
    it's not that
    it isn't
    interesting,
    it is;
    I just wish
    it was
    what it
    could have
    been.

    Later.
    What?

    I'll do what's most
    appropriate, I guess:
    shall I garland
    your neck
    with a gentle
    kiss or
    bite your lip
    with a brutal
    wish?






    Submitted on 2005-08-13 23:37:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    ||| Comments |||
      A very openly from the inside work, something I relate to well. This really makes me think of actually what I am experiencing this very moment in life...having crossed paths with a former lover/gf...we lived together for over five years, came within a month of being married...seperated...no communication..for over two years and now are in some sort of totally wierd dating senario? I guess you would call it?
    This work is making me expand to that...apoligies
    especially the words...
    what it could have been...
    Possibilities always exsist within life...circles of life take strange paths yet move towards completion when meant to be.
    Excellent write and I wish you the best.
    ~Alan
    | Posted on 2005-10-19 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
      There's a lot of emotion behind this. I'm sorry this is happening to you, it must be pretty confusing. *hugs*
    "I just wish
    it was
    what it
    could have
    been."
    I love those lines, they're just amazing.
    Chin up, sunshine. It'll all work out.
    -Caribou-
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, that really does suck. but if you were trying to make it sound like a conversation, then that whole third section was a little off. It made it sound more dreamy. But if a guy ever really did say that I'll put money on it that, that the girl he says it to will walk away.
    well thats pretty much it. hope it all works out for the best.
    Kacey
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by Lachesis | [ Reply to This ]
      this was great. honest, compelling and full of emotion. I agree that these lines are fantastic:
    "I just wish
    it was
    what it
    could have
    been."

    that's where I think you should end the poem. the other lines seem extraneous. but it's a very good poem. I really like this very much. nice work.
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice. Sort of nostalgic cynicism, I like the "wish it was what it could have been" showing that it never reached its potential.

    Your format really worked this piece along, with the stuttering effect of falling down a flight of stairs fitting well with the story.

    Yeah, I liked it a lot.

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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