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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shirin Yoku Haiku/Senyrudots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: greensnake
    ASL Info:    60/female/ N.C.
    Elite Ratio:    4.17 - 770/691/75
    Words: 10
    Class/Type: Haiku/Nature
    Total Views: 1332
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 77



    Description:
       I am not sure if this is haiku or senyru or some strange hybrid. Oh well, take it as you will.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShirin Yoku Haiku/Senyrudots
    -------------------------------------------


    Forest air bathing,
    I walk the silent pathways
    Seeking renewal.




    Submitted on 2005-08-14 06:25:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this piece it's very picturesque. I can feel the wind on my face, and smell the trees, it's a very visual piece for so few words It's a treat as usual... oh hi by the way...I'm back
    | Posted on 2005-09-19 00:00:00 | by cainboy | [ Reply to This ]
      it really fit in with the mood i am currently in so i thoroughly enjoyed the great image created in my mind from this writing. It for some reason reminded me of the final fantasy worlds. Which is good because i love anything like that.
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by ink_the_blood | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of a piece I read like a week ago coz Iím afraid Iím gonna have to repeat what I said back then...

    Whether it is a haiku or notÖ it doesnít change that fact that itís good.

    We all need to surround ourselves with life in order to know that we are alive. Itís like sinking your head in water to forget about all the noise the Universe is making with its tension and entropic orchestrasÖ but at the same timeÖ you donít forget about the fact that you canít breathe underwaterÖ and that you see the entire thing as a phase. You canít heal foreverÖ you gotta go back out there to get hurt in order to have a reason to return to this soul-soothing healing period.

    I love your haikus.
    | Posted on 2005-08-20 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      ok wow... that was short... My only advice is to make it longer. I looked at the screen for a long time, wondering, "Where is the poem?" And another thoght came into my mind: " Is this it?" 3 liners kind of suck, no offense. It has some potential if you only made out the rest of it.
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by destinedfallen | [ Reply to This ]
      destinedfallen; its a haiku love, its meant to be short, and I totally disagree with what destined wrote...I find this really interesting, especially the first line, it was intriguing, and pulls the reader in, I like it, like bathing in air, a new perspective. You finish it off quite neatly; with mystery...itís beautiful! Keep writing.
    - Illusion
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by Illusion | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this would be classified as Haiku. It follows in the correct syllables. 5-7-5. And it deals with nature. (Forest) An enjoyable Haiku read. This reminds me of a walk in a nature preserve. I always feels refreshed upon leaving. Nice work.
    Carol Oh by the way, Haiku refers to nature or has a spiritual conotation. I believe Senryu does not have to. Generally, Haiku should be represented by a picture, but doesnt necessarily have to be.
    Carol
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      It sounds and looks like a haiku to me.

    I really enjoy this one.
    The pure peace and divine that is nature is a wonderful thing that we seem to have forgotten about in life.
    I am guilty of this.
    But this write has reminded me of that pleasure I have lost.

    Thanks

    ~shawn
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      It's a very beautiful piece. Nature is the source of all our emotions and you have captured the essence of it here. I love the reference to silence which I find to be the greatest of inspirations. Haiku is such a lovely and simplistic method of putting your thoughts on paper that one can find little to criticize when it is done well. Good job! Dan
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
      Definitely a haiku, and a good one at that.

    I always reckon a good haiku leaves the reader with images to explore and develop, rather than just describe something.

    This left me thinking about how hot it was, what the forest looked like, and what happened to make you seek renewal, a dramatic event...or just renewal from the humdrum of city life.

    You see?

    Excellent work!

    be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      That's what I need, some renewal with all the ailments I have.
    I don't write Haiku but I do enjoy reading them from time to time.
    Glad to see you got back on nights again since that is the shift you like to work and therefore get your life back.
    Keep up the good work,
    !Doc`
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes Mam this is haiku, and a good one too! I pictured myself walking down a trail in the woods with a peaceful feeling.
    I agree with what Illusion wrote, evidently destined doesn't know what haiku is. I think you did a great job with it!
    DJ
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by Doris Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      Thanks for contributing to the Shinrin Yoku genre Lynn, but I have to confess that I don't understand Haiku. I think in calligraphic brush strokes on a nice piece of silk, a haiku might rise to an art form, but a handful of words is more of a meringue than a poem. It melts away before I've got my teeth into it. Arthur
    | Posted on 2005-08-21 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      Yummmmm! I love the idea you've based this on, the forest air that bathes us for a renewed spirit. Get me down in the chlorophyll before I die, a friend used to say. And you can breathe the oxygen the trees are making, and feel the caress of Great Mother all around. Reborn, I am brand spanking new.

    You pull up such a finely drawn memory with this one, Lynn.
    Hope all is well with you and you are enjoying yourself.
    much love,
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Soaking yourself in the forest, nice idea. I disagree with those who would have this longer. I think it says all it needs and is very evocative. Makes me wonder what I am doing indoors typing when the sun is shining outside. Maybe, I need to go for a walk in the country, espcially the woods or maybe a lonely beach and get renewed too.
    Stay in touch
    Comradenessie
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]


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