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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: here togetherdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Seedofbayne
    ASL Info:    19/M/MA
    Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 55/82/27
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 313
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 543



    Description:
       this is about my GF ashley and I together...you can read her poetry at Scardnscared here on ES...this poem isnt as dark as it seems


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotshere togetherdots
    -------------------------------------------


    as i was almost fully falling
    i took one last look and saw you calling
    i lost my breath but you gave me life
    so glad i didn't decide to use the knife

    plainly hurting, looking but blind
    i try to resist what you could not find
    what you wanted , you found it here
    now that im here you have nothing to fear

    im so glad, im finally happy
    i know now , life isn't so crappy
    together we shed a million smiles
    and together we walk a million miles...




    Submitted on 2005-08-14 21:56:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      well my honest opinion might not be so nice
    the thoughts and some lines were magical to me like
    lost my breath but you gave me life
    but the next line just sounds corny
    same for the last stanza expect the last line
    it sound slike you just started writing a minute ago anyone could have wrote this
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by crazzybeautiful | [ Reply to This ]
      i wanted to like this cause i see the emotion there that did manage to get through it died for me at crappy though maybe another choice of words would have been better it sounded like you wanted it to ryme too much and lost meaning in places because of it id be eager to read some of your work that doesnt ryme
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by layDsayD | [ Reply to This ]
      The emotions were beautifual and so was the idea, but the poem itself didn't feel right. THe flow was forced it seemed. I think this has great potential with a little bit of editing. Great write though.
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by Dark Angel | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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