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    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "Goodbye"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: pj5
    ASL Info:    37/f/IOWA
    Elite Ratio:    4.25 - 40/41/10
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 240
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 858



    Description:
       THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME....JUST SOMEONE I KNOW THAT IS LOST IN HER EMOTIONS THAT I HAVE TRYED TO HELP. SMILES.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"Goodbye"dots
    -------------------------------------------




    I give you all my love,
    but all you do is push and shove.
    I cook and clean your house,
    but you still make me feel like a louse.
    So many jobs on top of this all,
    you manage to make me feel so small.
    You blame me the money doesn't last,
    so each time you hit me it's like a storm blast.
    You say it is all my fault,
    but did you ever give me a thought?
    I cook and clean for you,
    I gave you not one child but two.
    I stuck with you through thick and thin,
    even though I know you have sinned.
    I trusted you to hold my heart,
    NOT to rip it apart.
    Don't you see through my fears,
    hearing your temper voice is what I fear.
    So listen to me hear my cries,
    this gun is my last goodbye.

    by pj5




    Submitted on 2005-08-15 09:06:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Goodness, this is so sad. It is so intersting and it seems as you brought me though the whole thing. There are so many emotions. The end i really didn't expect though. But it is great when that happens...becuase that means it isn't predictable.


    So listen to me hear my cries,
    this gun is my last goodbye.

    I really love that line. Although I don't think killing yourself can solve anything, but at least it isn't true. I mean killing yourself would just hurt others. Great job on this writting.

    Mikki
    x3
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...this is really sad. The end kind of leaves one hanging and that's where it's interesting. The feelings in this poem could be taken two ways, either depressed or extreme rage...so the end makes one wonder.
    This is a horrible situation to be in and a painful one at that. Especially where kids are involved. I hope that whoever this is about finds the strength to move on and out of this really bad situation.
    The writing was very good and you captured the emotions very well for something that isn't about you. Great job!
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      I must say I wasn't quit expevting that ending... For you to have not been here, I could feel real emotions.. Good Job

    Keep it up

    =blindly-n-love=
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by Blindly-N-Love | [ Reply to This ]
      o goody, this one does repeal false emotions, nice job. I can clearly say a work of Pathos, less of ethos and lets go into logos:

    Why did you choose such an ending?
    Was it really like that?
    What are your emotions or thoughts as you write about the person you know of?
    simple logos, respond anytime. Good job btb.
    love
    Y.W.
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by YoungWerther | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...this was...depressing. i hope your friend is okay. you should tell her to leave him because if he isnt treating her right, he doesnt deserve her, no matter how much she loves him. the emotion was just awesome but i think it would have been even stronger without the rhyming...still good job though. i hope your friend has the courage to do whats best for herself.

    leandra
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by Nirvana | [ Reply to This ]
      This is the most negative outlook on life that I have ever seen. It reads as though it will end in death. It is sad and scary, a last cry for help. How do people end up in these situations? If we only knew that answer, the world would be a whole lot better place. A very emotional write.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]



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