Description: What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?
Karma -------------------------------------------
I want you to hurt
I want you to cry
I want you to bleed
And not even know why
I want you to scream
And sob in your sleep
I want you to forget
Every person that you meet
I want you to die
A horribe death
Have no chance of forgiveness
When you have nothing left
I want you to be given
All the things in return
It's a very good lesson
That you'll have to learn
You told me you loved me
And said that you cared
But now all I see
Is a blank face and glare
I hate you with a passion
And passion's just it
I love you has eight letters
In fact so does bull shit
the subject of the piece is really a common one. something that almost everyone can relate to. the only thing that i would suggest is digging deeper. get past the teenage ranting, angry stage. and really write what you feel. delve deeper into your feelings, if this is really how you feel, then you should be able to elaborate. these are only suggestions.. that i wish i would have been given sooner. if you really want to see what you can do, then i challenge you to take this feeling that you have written here. and re-write it. when someone reads it.. they should feel it, if it hurts, they should hurt, if you smile, they should smile. the reader needs to feel what your writting, just like you should feel it. now, you dont have to explain everything, but you need to have your discriptions and your feelings pulling together to make it something. dont stick to the usually wording of every other poem.. reach out and go past the boundries. It helps to read others works too. so i would suggest reading Big_Bill789, waffuru or inspirit999. those are just a few people on here. but like i said.. just a suggestions. i love this though
'I hate you with a passion And passion's just it I love you has eight letters In fact so does bull [censored]'
that, i can relate to. Good Luck. I hope i didnt seem too mean, i just wish someone did this for me~ jennifer
Submission Name: Karma
