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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: HaldirLives
    Elite Ratio:    5.12 - 234/149/60
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Haiku/
    Total Views: 978
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 584



    Description:
       This is a haiku I wrote and read at camp. It was inspired by Evanescence's song Paper Flowers. Just tell me what you get out of it.
    *Note*: Haikus don't have to be 5-7-5. More details below.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    *Note*: It is a commonly held misconception that haikus must be in a 5-7-5 format. The Japanese language has no syllables, therefore it is impossible for a haiku to have a format based on syllables. Dunno how it got the 5-7-5 format in English, but some idiot made a mistake.

    Paper flowers you made me -
    In the rain
    They melt and bleed.

    *Again*: Haikus are not required to be 5-7-5. They are, however required to be only three lines long and contain a fulcrum (a point where the direction of the poem changes, usually giving it meaning).




    Submitted on 2005-08-15 10:58:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i love that song by evanesance. this doesnt have the 5-7-5 syllable format. this one is 7-3-4
    so yea this is definately no haiku. but a short poem. with much meaning. i can actaully feel as if holding a flower while in the reain and watching it seep through my fingers on to the ground into a puddle of blood. great imagrey here. i did have a few changes to make it roll better though.
    you had:
    "Paper flowers you made me -
    In the rain
    They melt and bleed."

    here are my suggestions...

    Paper flowers you've made me
    In the rain
    you melt and bleed.

    well you dont have to take my suggestions... either way its still good.

    take care
    Jesi~
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by slntfirflm | [ Reply to This ]
      My understanding:

    The wonderful things (wonderful time) you brought me during the dark times now dissapears.

    We have a man or woman who has a bad time. Lost job, family tragedy or similar thing. Suddenly someone appears helps out, brings some light to the darkness and then he/she is gone. And all those things he/she did for me now go away just like he/she.

    Erm... I hope this was understandable.
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by WriterX | [ Reply to This ]
      A beautiful fantasy that crumbles under the torrent of realism is my interpretation. I love your imagery, I can see the colors running off the flowers in the rain, the paper going limp and lifeless. I love that song too, except it is called "Imaginary" actually..."paper flowers" is just a line. Legolas is so much hotter than Haldir.
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by Syrinx | [ Reply to This ]
      This feels a little disjointed but the meaning is clear and the imagery is pretty sharp. Loved the flowers melting and bleeding in the rain...very easy to picture that. DB
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


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