Description: this is more a "series" of haiku, i strung them all together because...well, because i can. a few of them were written drunk i think, but for the most part to be honest i dont even remember...these were written a long while ago, maybe a year, and i found them and wanted to post them. ha...its all so mad when i read it back..oh well. enjoi. ~~~
Hello there! you won't get any nit picking from me here... i am not one of the technical police.
this is truly delightful and i love reading it over again just to hear how you have used the flavoursome words as an artist's paint box. it is delicious tropical cocktail, a wonderfully scented moisturising body milk being massaged into my warm skin, a textured mural and a wistful lyrical song all rolled into one piece of beautiful writing. it is scrumptious. i can see why Sugar mouse thinks there is a similarity between this style and some of the poems of Edward Kamau-Braithwaite, a pretty distinguished Caribbean poet, literary critic and historian... you are able to write in a variety of styles and this is a gift which you use to great effect.
Howdy and hello, 'tis the Piggster here. I'm chuckling to myself now because never ONCE have I read a haiku on Elite. Bear with me if you please, I am sorting through my concritory thoughts... If you want to get 'nitpicky' about this, it's not really a standard haiku. I may be getting my facts mixed, but isn't it five beats for the first line, seven for the second, and five for the last? Gosh, I forget...That, however, didn't even cross my mind as I read over this series. I was swept away from my computer and into the very tropics themselves! I can imagine the pictures that might go with every stanza of this work clearly. You would go far indeed with these haikus if you could master the form a bit more... ~Piggs
An interesting mix. I've not really seen too many haiku but these seem a strange bunch and I'm wondering how well you stuck to form. To be honest, I enjoyed the vibrant images and humor/emotion in these but overall they feel like cryptic puzzles and that makes me feel like the form has gotten the better of you, but our writing is interesting and made me want to have understood. DB
Submission Name: Hawaiian Haiku
DB