Naked by Archer

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Submission Name: Naked dots

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Author:	Archer
ASL Info:	17/female/Oregon
Elite Ratio:	4.83 - 118/148/51
Words:	149

Class/Type:	Poetry/The pain inside
Total Views:	375
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	828

Description:
this was written a while ago just tell me what you think... love and light
archer

Naked

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Strip me naked of all my lies
and wipe clean the paint of disguise.
Take away the scars of war.
And take my mercy, I don’t want it anymore.
Shards of ice encase my heart
I don’t want the healing to start.
For one good memory the darkness asked it’s price,
and I paid unknowingly, but I paid it twice.
I lost my love, the greatest cost,
but that is only half of what I lost.
I lost my dignity,
and the friends that meant so much to me.
I lost my pride,
this one mistake because I lied.
Strip me naked of all my lies.
And wipe clean the pain of disguise.
Open my heart with solemn vow,
lord and lady heal me now
give me back the life I need
and please don’t take my right to bleed.

Submitted on 2005-08-15 17:05:01 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  "I love the way you make me feel like crap"
totally loved this ... though it made my heart hurt. It is a great expresion of deep down and honest to God emotion ... very powerrful stuff.
:'(
| Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Psychohenry32 | [ Reply to This ]
  This puts into words the feelings that you have had about your life. You have been hurt, physically and emotionally, many times. I can feel the pain inside. I love this poem.
| Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by Spiderwebb123 | [ Reply to This ]
  it puts in to words what happends when someone has been hurt too many times. After a while the heart just wants to be left alone, Given time to heal and maybe find someone that wont throw it away once they've gotten what they want. Don't look for others to heal you let yourself heal, is what I get from it. keep up the poems like this my friend and I see a book in your future.
| Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by ryuunokanojo | [ Reply to This ]
  wow is just not enough to describe this poem its so well written. You have a nice flow going here and the imagery is great. I imagine the character bleading and saying this with a solem voice. I love the line strip me nake of all my lies its just so fresh the lines that follow are just amazing too. Its interesting how you incorporated the lord and lady in this poem most people would refer to just god and not a goddess and im curious to know if it has anything to do with your beliefs or if you just relate to mythology of course if you dont want to answer its fine with me. again wonderful piece and i hope that your right to bleed was granted.

-ladydeathstrike *

nice picture i have the exact same one
| Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by ladydeathstrike | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey,
Very impressive write. Loved it very much. I thought it shared a lot of passion and a lot of depth, like you really felt this feeling coming out of your skin.

I loved the first line :Strip me naked of all my lies
That was an amazing first line. You didn't go around the circles, you just went straight to the point and at least i know where the title came from. Being naked symbolizes so many things but being revealed is the # one meaning. That was a great line and i think that was my favorite from the entire piece. You repeated it later which made it look more like lyrics or maybe you just did that on purpose.

I love the metaphor "Scars of war" That would of made such an amazing title ( i've been writing a lot about war lately...anything that has the word or thought of war got me thinking...lol).

There are certain things that i did dislike and the was the way the piece was structured. When i read it aloud a second time, sometimes i just had to stretch out some words because it didn't really sound right when i spoke it just like that.

You do have some punctuation but it's like you got fed up of it after a while although i see you never got fed up of the full stops...lol

But overall, simply wonderful. I enjoyed reading line after line. I was great. Keep writing.
Peace...Irina
| Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm very impressed by this. It's such a pure perception of yourself, your flaws, your utterly mortal emotions. I'm always amazed when someone can sit and write down their mistakes and blemishes. I see it as a sign of someone who has (or is at least beginning to) fully accept who they are.

For one good memory the darkness asked it’s price,
and I paid unknowingly, but I paid it twice.

I think that that's a pivotol point in the piece. It reads as if you stopped at that moment, took a breath, and really dedicated yourself to what you were writing. You seem to be inspired by your healing...keep healing.

Be Well
~Rachel~
| Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by nebnim | [ Reply to This ]

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