[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: LOSSING THE BETdots

    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 455
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 988

       this a lil more forward t hen most my work and i didnt reread it or touch it up at all i wanted to post it that way just raw sorta it referres to a still born child and the way lossing like that makes you feel cheated

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLOSSING THE BETdots

    If the world saw what I saw it would simply turn away.
    You lay the cards down and realize the whole damn things a lie
    There isnít always water to break your fall.
    Sometimes there is no one to tell you its ok.
    You want so much to look at him but you turn your head
    You want to hold him but they cover his face and take him away .
    Your visions paint him as a monster .
    You should have known your imagination would spin out of control
    Should have looked down, just once maybe .
    Now you have to wonder and with each sip the picture is more distorted .
    Each pill makes it harder
    Something to sleep, something to wakeup,
    A lil something for the pain . Something that can make it go away .
    He screams in the night
    Your arms ache.
    They promise in time it gets better
    Let me be the one to say it.
    It doesnít it just becomes familiar .
    youíve lost the bet .

    Submitted on 2005-08-15 21:00:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I can't relate to the aspect of haveing a child, but i can relate to haveing extreme emotion pain, to the point of questioning life. i really relate to the part about taking pills to function.
    i like the way it was written. like you said, it is raw and shows how frazled a situation like that makes your mind
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by robertbwell | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...I don't know how it would feel to lose a child...I couldn't even imagine that kind of pain...
    But the poem was indeed raw...and I think thats lovely...this poem was very powerful and very well written...
    Again I say...very good job good friend...

    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Bond written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Every..... written by jackz
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Fasade written by jackz
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Summer written by layDsayD
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]