YOu had such a beautiful thing going but i think a few flaws at here mostly just in the flow of things. it's different meters and different sounds try and make it smoother is all i can suggest but your concept and idea are really good just minor fixes but i could be wrong.
this is one of those writings that's not about the structure or the flow. it's about the feeling, the sincerity and the emotion. prematurely ending what could have been the greatest thing to happen to you is the worst feeling in the world. my girlfriend whom i loved sooo much had to go home to TX because of her fathers health and school. i'm in delaware. we ended it when we didnt want to and it still kills us. i wont give love advice but weigh your options. if something so great comes along it may be worth the risk. i loved your writing.