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    dots Submission Name: beating heartsdots

    Author: scardnscared
    ASL Info:    25/ DFW
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 585/498/311
    Words: 167
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1377
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 944


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    dotsbeating heartsdots

    sitting here talking to you i feel so lost
    so confused
    i dont know how to tell you
    that im scared to fall in love with you

    everytime i let myself fall
    i would never be caught as i needed
    i would fall so hard and cry so long
    that im backing up instead of going forward

    im so bad with relationships
    that i always seem to end them when i dont want to
    but its not like that now
    space is something that would be good

    i cry as i write this
    and my hearts beating so loud
    my worlds turned inside out
    god i feel so alone right now

    it was a stupid mistake i must say
    and it changed the way i think about things
    tonight my tears hurt so much
    and i feel as though i broke my own heart

    i dont know where we'll go from here
    but i hope where ever it is we go together

    Submitted on 2005-08-15 21:45:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      YOu had such a beautiful thing going but i think a few flaws at here mostly just in the flow of things. it's different meters and different sounds try and make it smoother is all i can suggest but your concept and idea are really good just minor fixes but i could be wrong.

    Semper Fidelis,
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]
      this is one of those writings that's not about the structure or the flow. it's about the feeling, the sincerity and the emotion. prematurely ending what could have been the greatest thing to happen to you is the worst feeling in the world. my girlfriend whom i loved sooo much had to go home to TX because of her fathers health and school. i'm in delaware. we ended it when we didnt want to and it still kills us. i wont give love advice but weigh your options. if something so great comes along it may be worth the risk. i loved your writing.
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by Butterfly Bullets | [ Reply to This ]
      well we must share a brain cause thats exactly how i feel about my guy at the moment. good work.

    everytime i let myself fall
    i would never be caught as i needed
    i would fall so hard and cry so long
    that im backing up instead of going forward

    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by graffitijeans | [ Reply to This ]

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