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Simple Facts


Author: nsnaakyhhh:)
ASL Info:    15/F/WA
Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 19 /27 /5
Words: 130
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1099
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 776



Description:


For me poetry is an outlet.....however anything can be made constructive, so please feel free to offer any kind of critisism you see fit.


Simple Facts



True I can no longer hug you
Hold you in my arms and let you cry
True I can not comfort you
As you sob and wonder why

These are simple facts
You'll find in time to be true
What's gone is gone
What's lost is lost
The cards have been played
A life the cost

Listen and remember
To a story of long ago
Soon will come to memory
A simple fact you will forever know
Though I may not be around
To enclose you within an embrace
You can easily close your eyes
See a vivid image of my face

On your story will continue
Though mine is at an end
I will thrive as well
For in you I live my friend




Submitted on 2005-08-16 00:04:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Rainmaker....awesome write. Your writing has certainly come far...in a total of three pieces. Ha. I'm going to give the comments this one needs.
"True I can no longer hug you
Hold you in my arms and let you cry
True I can not comfort you
As you sob and wonder why"
So simple, and that's the nice thing about it. It seems so natural the way you stated it.

"These are simple facts
You'll find in time to be true
What's gone is gone
What's lost is lost
The cards have been played
A life the cost"
Nice extra emphasis on "What's gone is gone, lost is lost" phrase....and clever last lines there. A life the cost..Clever, clever missy.

"You can easily close your eyes
And see a vivid image of my face"
I might changed it to something like taking out the 'and' Not sure...something just doesn't seem to flow quite right there. But that is being extremely nitpicky.

"On your story will continue
Though mine is at an end
I will thrive as well
For in you I live my friend"
I might change 'on' to 'onwards', just to flow quicker. Profound and you've done it. A favorites, it will be! Excellent work, missy. I love it.

Peace and things that won't break because they have 'fi-ya' (fire yes).....Lucy
| Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]
  your best one yet. but only because its the shortest. but your rhyme scheme. come one... try a different one? its nice, though. i like the last stanza where it talks about later stuff. the future. but the rhyme! try a different kind! triplets! or the kind of rhyme that two words in the same line rhyme! anything!
| Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by Sephiroth | [ Reply to This ]
  It's almost like a suicide poem but it's lovely the words flow well and you put it together very well and your only 14 that's talent but i dont' know where this poem came from but none the less you did deliver it very well and i will have to check out more pieces by you soon. Keep writing please.

Semper Fidelis,
Christopher
| Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]
  Yah I agree with heather. Your writing is smooth and flow well..Interesting title though..at first I thought u were writing some simple facts for us to know LoL but the poem's good :) yep and poetry is indeed an outlet ;)
| Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by cOoL_DudE | [ Reply to This ]
  hmm. well what i liked about this is that not only can it apply to a person who has died. it can apply to a relationship that has ended.
sort of like...
well, you know you lost me, but um...i'm still in your memory...so have fun thinking about me...and the least you can do is appreciate that i spent any time with you. (after how you treated me..hehe.)
| Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by graffitijeans | [ Reply to This ]


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