Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Before I die...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Geraldine
    ASL Info:    25
    Elite Ratio:    3.2 - 241/296/80
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 693
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 674



    Description:
       I was wrong about him...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBefore I die...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Broken heart in hand,
    I cry.
    Trying to pick up the pieces,
    trying to clean up the mess he let behind.
    This time,
    the mess is too big,
    the wounds are too deep,
    and the tears have left a stain.
    I sit and stare,
    watching my heart bleed,
    unable to stop the flow.
    memories seep out with each drop.
    The words you said,
    echo in my mind,
    as my soul begins to die.
    Alone,
    I ache.
    Praying for your return,
    before it's too late,
    before my last drop of blood is shed,
    before my soul can float away,
    before I finally give up this fight




    Submitted on 2005-08-16 11:44:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I felt my heart bleeding! Beautiful write. This guy really took you apart. Sorry. Love hurts, and life does too. I hope things look better for you.
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by Dark Angel | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, you captured the ultimate broken heart. I hope I never have to feel what you described here, and I'm sorry that you have. The poem drew me in though, and it left me like pleading with this guy to come back and make things right again. Or at least come back and see what he's done. Take care okay! Great write! ~hailie~
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ]
      Fall in love and there's that possible chance of a broken heart. Nothing is perfect and that is what you have written with your words, tone, and the picture that you have drawn in my head. You did a great job keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by smiling death | [ Reply to This ]
      this definatley shows the dark side of love. i like how it shows all te things in your heart escaping as the the blood flows out. It shows how conplex someone's heart is and how easily it can be destroyed.
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by robertbwell | [ Reply to This ]
      wow... someone really screwed you over huh? well i hope things start looking up for you soon..
    i like the shift from third person to second person in the poem. it felt like first you were giving an overview of the situation and then finally letting the reader in... i also love the way you talk of tears leaving a stain and then of tears of blood.
    the only issue is that there is no symmetry and rhythm to the poem.. it seems like a random flow of thoughts.
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by Sanjhana | [ Reply to This ]
      im sure everybody can relate to thi. some pieace of[censored] makesyouthinkone thing and then betrays your heart.. welldont trip. anddontgive up on love there will be bigger and better fish that will do twice as much damage.. j/kkinda. but seriously uer probably hot , young, and have a hole lot of talent. he lost his turn, so now letthe world see u shine
    peace
    kristian
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by kristian | [ Reply to This ]
      yes , i can definitely relate to this one...
    Pls don't pray for someone's return if they don't want to return.Why should we die for what someone has done to us .We must live on and survive and be ready to fight another day...
    I wrote..'i promise i won't love again'..pls read it...i want to survive , not die .But yes, i dont want to love again...

    i just see your pain in this poem ...:(
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by Sophia | [ Reply to This ]
      So much pain and emotion in this. Well written but I felt more of a structure and meaningful rhyme would have made it even more evocative. I enjoyed reading it very much - well done.
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    70766

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry