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I Am Back


Author: RequiemOfDreams
ASL Info:    20/M/NJ
Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 97 /140 /38
Words: 48
Class/Type: Poetry /Passion
Total Views: 1533
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 273



Description:


I fell apart when she moved on
No drive, no motive, all seemed gone
No strive to create, all seemed lost
At first I never knew the cost

A broken soul and a mind so blurry
I know life now, came in all its fury
She stole my breath, in all her sway
She held it tight, then threw it away

Now I'm standing tall
And to you I owe it all
You brought me on track
Thanks to you I am back

You gave me strength to get back up
And Stamina to stand
You gave me spirit to face new challenges
And agility to dodge new harm
You gave me intellect to let me see
What a fool she made of me
You cast a spell of health
So I could live longer

I feel I am built anew
There is nothing I cannot do
I will light up the sky with all my smile
If you doubt that, you are in denial
For you know its true, I am happy
I truly am, the opposite of crappy
For all I have done,
I only have just begun


I Am Back



My return to writing... after several months. Always trust in your natural talents, the ones you will never lose, because you can always trust they will be there.

I encourage people who enjoy this piece to review some of my older pieces posted on this site.




Submitted on 2005-08-16 21:24:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Yeah, there's not too much wrong with it, I've noticed that you're fond of rhyming couplets...they're very hard to get away with without sounding forced, like "the opposite of crappy" that is almost funny, and out of sync with the mood of the piece.

Try writing in a ABCB form for a change, you can concentrate more on the rhythm than the rhyme.

I also didn't see why you changed the format to an octet that didn't rhyme? If this was lyrics, it could be a bridge, but it really doesn't fit here.

I'll read more, but I won't lie to you, after all, you asked for it...lol

Be Happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  BRAVO! i must say after reading this piece i felt quite inspired . . .besides for the rhyme that went a bit lop sised i love it...u r seriuosly lucky 2have found some one that lifts ur spirits like this

Keep spreading the love

Nadia*
| Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by AfricanPrincess | [ Reply to This ]


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