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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Am Backdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: RequiemOfDreams
    ASL Info:    20/M/NJ
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 97/140/38
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1334
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 273



    Description:
       I fell apart when she moved on
    No drive, no motive, all seemed gone
    No strive to create, all seemed lost
    At first I never knew the cost

    A broken soul and a mind so blurry
    I know life now, came in all its fury
    She stole my breath, in all her sway
    She held it tight, then threw it away

    Now I'm standing tall
    And to you I owe it all
    You brought me on track
    Thanks to you I am back

    You gave me strength to get back up
    And Stamina to stand
    You gave me spirit to face new challenges
    And agility to dodge new harm
    You gave me intellect to let me see
    What a fool she made of me
    You cast a spell of health
    So I could live longer

    I feel I am built anew
    There is nothing I cannot do
    I will light up the sky with all my smile
    If you doubt that, you are in denial
    For you know its true, I am happy
    I truly am, the opposite of crappy
    For all I have done,
    I only have just begun


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Am Backdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My return to writing... after several months. Always trust in your natural talents, the ones you will never lose, because you can always trust they will be there.

    I encourage people who enjoy this piece to review some of my older pieces posted on this site.




    Submitted on 2005-08-16 21:24:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Yeah, there's not too much wrong with it, I've noticed that you're fond of rhyming couplets...they're very hard to get away with without sounding forced, like "the opposite of crappy" that is almost funny, and out of sync with the mood of the piece.

    Try writing in a ABCB form for a change, you can concentrate more on the rhythm than the rhyme.

    I also didn't see why you changed the format to an octet that didn't rhyme? If this was lyrics, it could be a bridge, but it really doesn't fit here.

    I'll read more, but I won't lie to you, after all, you asked for it...lol

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      BRAVO! i must say after reading this piece i felt quite inspired . . .besides for the rhyme that went a bit lop sised i love it...u r seriuosly lucky 2have found some one that lifts ur spirits like this

    Keep spreading the love

    Nadia*
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by AfricanPrincess | [ Reply to This ]


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    70839

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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