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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Writer's Blockdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: frozenconscienc
    ASL Info:    17/f/md
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 91/55/13
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 848
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 793



    Description:
       This...isn't exactly good, in my opinion.
    It usually sucks when I'm actually writing from experience at a very emotional time.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWriter's Blockdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I've been writing this story
    It's a little fantasy
    About a girl and a boy
    Who frolick endlessly

    I thought it all through
    Before I wrote it down
    I was certain it was true
    But wait-here comes a frown

    The girl had confessed
    What she had felt
    The boy was stressed
    That wasn't how he felt

    So she cried all day
    So sad than ever before
    For that boy who turned away
    She had really cared for

    It was supposed to be perfect
    But it never can be
    With at least one defect
    It can't end happily

    What will come next
    This was my fear
    There's nothing to expect
    Where do we go from here?




    Submitted on 2005-08-16 21:47:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      U may not think its good...but it gets the point across and when something is from experience...the reader can ALWAYS feel it. Its not pretend and you can feel sympathetic or even empathetic at times. Its good I think.
    | Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by PrettyRicki | [ Reply to This ]
      o how sad for u! but y is this poem called writers block! the emotion is there i can see it! it doesnt suck! and dont say that about ur poems even though i do it may jinx it! anyway good joB
    ~akaila evonne~
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Quatrains, bueno! Well anyway, an emotional state is always quintessential for the voluptuous content for poetry, although your poem could be such if...you change the title. anyway, much luck and success in the future
    love
    Y.W.
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by YoungWerther | [ Reply to This ]
      I think I understand why you chose such a title. After all, you are writing as if you are telling a story. It's nice and it left me wondering where do things go from here. I'm one who trusts that things tend to work out eventually. So, cheer up & all the best.
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by whchong | [ Reply to This ]
      Awww Melissa boy do I understand this piece. And I REALLY liked this one. Def. one of my favourites of yours, by far. This caught my eye and your rhyming and word choice was perfect, so kudos to you.

    There was ONE stanza that I think really threw off your piece though, and that was the third stanza. The two "felts" follwoing each other consecutively in rhyme pattern just kinda, "ehhed" the piece, if you know what I mean? Maybe changing it to:

    "The girl had confessed
    What she had felt
    and the boy was stressed
    With the cards he'd been dealt"

    But thats not the great a rhyme either. I dunno, its your piece and your call. And I'm not that great with rhyming either, so maybe the two felts do really work.

    Overall though, I REALLY did like this piece. You made the rhymes work so well, really:O) I'm sorry I cant give you a better comment. You know I have trouble commenting on you because I never really havea nything abd to say!

    Kudos!

    -Kayla
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]


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    70844

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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