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    dots Submission Name: Electric Kissesdots

    Author: LadyChaos
    ASL Info:    19/F/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 718/606/95
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 923
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 584

       so its lovey dovey....sue me.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsElectric Kissesdots

    His lips were so soft,
    That I couldn't help but smile into his kisses.
    The intensity of his warmth drew me in,
    And I bathed in his beautiful light.

    I could not stifle the giddy feeling when he held me close to him in the rain.
    Our bodies melded together,
    Our breaths and heartbeats were as one.
    The cold raindrops did not extinguish our passion,
    But enhanced the sensitivity of our nerves,
    Each touch, each kiss
    Felt more intense than lightening,
    And the electricity still lingers in my veins.

    Submitted on 2005-08-16 22:14:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I loved the title.. :P... that's why i read this in the first place. And the rest of the poem didn't disappoint, :)

    There are some real neat sentences you've used. I especially liked the smiling into his kisses one... I think this write is good enough as it is.. But the point of this comment isn't that... lol.. so here's my tuppence:

    maybe end the sentence after "... our nerves" and put the last line in a different stanza. I dunno, I'm a weird structure guy, I think the last line deserves all the attention it can get from the reader, separating it from the big(ger) second stanza would achieve that. i dunno.. lol...

    It was a good and expressive write anyway.
    | Posted on 2007-12-06 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good love poem. I was drawn in by the title and found this to be a very romantic read. Isnt it wonderful when you can feel so passionate about a man in your life? It is a great thing and this moment I bet you wished could have lasted forever. I like your use of imagery here. It provides the reader with some insight into your feelings. The only suggestion I have here is to break up the one line that sticks out beyond the rest. It really isnt a big deal but it would help the overall appearance of the poem. My suggestion:

    I could not stifle the giddy feeling when
    he held me close to him in the rain.

    I think it would help the overall appearance of the poem and also improve the flow in this area as well. Otherwise this is a lovely poem. Very nicely written and expressed. Take care.

    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Very Romantic! I felt like it was spring time in the Rocky Moutains. Fields of flowers and dew on a early morning leaf. Anyway I was very pleased with your wourk and will read more latter ok?
    If you get a chance come read mine and tell me what you think. I would like to know since your such a good writer.
    your new friend Kelley
    | Posted on 2005-10-31 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      i love it when someone touchs on something thats been done so much and then twists it into something so great the line couldn't help but smile into his kisses.was amazing it stand out just wonderfull really good job
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by layDsayD | [ Reply to This ]
      Lots of visual and imagery. A really good write and it was more than plain to see that it came from the heart. I presume you wrote it from a real experience, or a real longing - whichever, it was very good.
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh you just made me miss my boyfriend BIG TIME! This was beautiful! You captured the moment and the beauty of a passionate kiss between two people in love. Awesome job! If this was a real memory of yours, cherish it okay? Great write! ~hailie~
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ]

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