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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The peep frogsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rue
    ASL Info:    16/F/the dark side
    Elite Ratio:    4.54 - 244/182/44
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 664
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1045



    Description:
       Auuuugh. I just wrote this, stream of thought, though it's not free verse... They're in my HEAD man...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe peep frogsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I didn't mean to make it so,
    In my awesome little lair,
    With my lighter and closed window,
    There was more smoke than air,
    And the frogs they were still making sounds,
    Peeping and cricketing, chirping away,
    Taking turns meeping, making their rounds,
    Buzzing and ribbeting like it were day.

    Peeping and chirping without a pause,
    Cover my head with a pillow,
    Stuff my ears with gauze,
    But the bullfrog will still bellow,
    And the peep frogs will still peep,
    The crickets will cricket,
    And the meepers will meep,
    Successfully keeping me from sleep.

    But the window is closed…
    And they're getting louder…
    Both the frogs, and the toads…
    Echoing listlessly into my head…
    And they're getting louder…
    All I ever wanted, was to go to bed…
    Ohh the pain inside my brain…
    They're getting louder…

    The peep frogs are going to drive me insane.




    Submitted on 2005-08-16 22:22:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      thats was soooo cool i sleep out side alot and thats what i got the picture of infact be4 i go to bed tonight im gonna read this..i loved it very much

    Trevor...~
    | Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by goomaster03 | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with wewak11, the noise and sounds build up is done very, very nicely. Great combining of different words for making noise - I think it made me felt a little of that insanity. The rhyme worked, but the rhythm was kinda off...If it isn't ment to be a freeversed poem, then it's just really bad to kill the rhythm for the rhyme! but if it is, then it isn't such a flaw - more of an advantage, all the asimetry gives the poem a unique twist. I especially liked the line: 'The peep frogs will still peep' - that's really good, but you kinda messed it up repeating the scheme in the next two lines (if you feel you have to repeat it, at least repeat it once, change the 3rd line), the last line of that stanza's also great!
    You CAN express your ideas, original ideas, and you do it in a unique way - really like that.
    Be well!
    | Posted on 2005-09-04 00:00:00 | by shoggoth | [ Reply to This ]
      you hvae amazed me wich is hard to do you put such a twist on such a casual everyday thing i loved it really my new fav i live in florida and ill be the first to say those freakin frogs will drive you nutty heheh good work cant wait for more
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by layDsayD | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed reading this it is so vivid and though i can't relate to the frogs as i can relate to the voices in my head as they are as loud and un-turn-off-able as anything else
    but i really did enjoy this poem
    Oh and one question...
    Whats a peep frog??
    Thanks for the read
    John
    x
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by hammyj | [ Reply to This ]
      Angipiieeee. I'll miss you...read your journal entry. -waves- Peep frogs...heh. those are cute. :D Anywho, next time, peep along with them. MEEP! MEEP MEEP! I must be a meepit. DDD Loved this, tis tres fantab.
    ~Sicobe R. Crow, the Meepit Queen
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by Crow | [ Reply to This ]
      Haha! Very well done! This is almost a tragi-comedy, sad and funny at the same time.

    I like your execution, the rhyme worked pretty well, and the build up of noise and sounds was done very nicely.

    Can't really criticize, I liked it too much.

    Great work,

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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