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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Oceandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: His Assholiness
    ASL Info:    35/M/Tampa, FL
    Elite Ratio:    5.06 - 104/90/23
    Words: 190
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 983
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1156



    Description:
       A late night attempt at poetry


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOceandots
    -------------------------------------------


    I have stood and strained here
    Against the waves and tides,
    It is for far too many a year
    Naught but water at all sides.

    Once I sat beneath the waves
    A ship veered close and struck,
    Fifty lives sent to watery graves
    Another's pain would be my luck.

    One flipped the rail of the ship
    To my sides she grabbed tight,
    I felt the warmth of a human grip
    We embraced through the night.

    Anchored her against the storm
    Of spraying slosh of salty foam,
    She held fast and kept me warm
    And I held strong never to roam.

    But time wore on and too her grip
    And all too strong the tides did rip,
    She tried to hold yet still did slip
    Away with but a brush of fingertip.

    Other ships have come to crash
    And spill another to grasp to me,
    And fight the waves that splash
    But they all draw back to the sea.

    The constant slams of the brine
    Have worn down layers of stone,
    Till under the aquamarine shine
    For all time shall I stand alone.




    Submitted on 2005-08-17 01:06:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ahhh...! The never ending conquest for love and a successful relationship! This is a good poem! I enjoyed reading it and liked the comparison of love and the ocean. Love always starts out just great dont it? But then, slowly, over time, it all comes to the surface and you realize you are floating in polluted waters! Ha!I think this is a well written expression of an all too common problem in life and I like the picture too...that wouldn't happen to be you now would it? Maybe your screen name has something to do with that assumption! Nice one! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I think I should do that...I might just go to the nearest beach and wait for a ship to come along...maybe "the one" will fly off the breaking ship into my arms...that would be nice, but the beach is far away...
    I liked your approach, and hte metaphor of hte ship coming and then pulling away like the tide, making you stand alone at the end. It was fairly creative, and the idea was passed along quite well.
    Though I would ask you to change one thing...the title of your poem, it could maybe have more of a gripping/eccentric title in my opinion...but that is merely my opinion, not yours.
    Id like to see more poems like this, objective yet subjective, metaphysical yet real, and overall full of thought.
    keep writing, its appreciated,
    jcprescott
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by jcpdandalice | [ Reply to This ]
      very intristing dad i like it i think im getting the picture of a lost relationship and the whole ocean nautical themeish thingy is cool its very good for a late nite stab into the blundering darkness of poetry.(i have no clue wat i just said but it sounded smart)
    | Posted on 2005-08-20 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]


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