Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Eddie the Yetidots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BenCollier
    Elite Ratio:    3.72 - 425/386/88
    Words: 372
    Class/Type: Story/Comedy
    Total Views: 856
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2298



    Description:
       Maybe the beginnings of a childrens short story??? What ya think?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEddie the Yetidots
    -------------------------------------------


    Eddie the Yeti
    Lived in the Serengeti
    Have you ever seen a Yeti in the Serengeti?
    Living in the Serengeti makes a Yeti sweaty.
    So a sweaty Yeti in the Serengeti named Eddie,
    Had a wife, who too was sweaty.
    Eddie’s wife, Betti liked to cook spaghetti,
    Her friends called her Betti spaghetti
    Betti the Yeti, who liked to cook spaghetti.
    Eddie loved Betti, but Eddie didn’t like spaghetti
    Besides spaghetti in the Serengeti gets mushy and wetti.
    Wetti spaghetti in the Serengeti, made Eddie and Betti somewhat fretti.
    Eddie and Betti, who lived in the Serengetti, only had wetti spaghetti, while fretti, Eddie and Betti would eat the wetti spaghetti.
    One day, Betti’s friend Hetti, came by to setti, Hetti liked spaghetti. Eddie, while fretti, because he didn’t like spaghetti, thought Hetti petti.
    So the three setti on the Serengetti, eating wetti spaghetti.
    Fretti Eddie, who thought Hetti petti, had Betti ask Hetti,
    “If wetti spaghetti makes you fretti, why do you setti sweaty in the Serengeti?”
    Hetti, now sweaty herself, stopped her setti and eating her spaghetti.
    She said, “Wetti spaghetti, isn’t petti, and I like it better than confetti.”
    Eddie the Yeti, who lived in the Serengeti, still sweaty and feeling petti called his friends at S.E.T.I.
    Hetti, was scared, and asked Betti if she would make Eddie not call the people at S.E.T.I., because Hetti, who liked wetti spaghetti was really an alien from Bombargetti.
    It was too late. The people from S.E.T.I. arrived and saw, to their amazement, three sweaty Yeti, eating wetti spaghetti, feeling petti and one being fretti out here, in the Serengeti.
    The S.E.T.I. people took a big netti, and captured Hetti, showered her with confetti, which promptly stuck to her fur because she was a sweaty Yeti setti in the Serengeti.
    From then on Eddie the Yeti, who lived in the Serengeti was neither fretti not petti, but still sweaty. He ate his wetti spaghetti with Betti while setti in the Serengeti. They were so happy in the Serengeti they had a little Yeti, they named him George…

    The End











    Submitted on 2005-08-17 11:36:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      nice
    | Posted on 2007-03-09 00:00:00 | by DonkeyMan | [ Reply to This ]
      haha george.
    i like it....
    it was definately original though.
    yep.
    | Posted on 2007-02-05 00:00:00 | by XmaryjaneX | [ Reply to This ]
      Chuckle, chuckle chuckle. There. Yeah yeah, I'll begrudge you a chuckle, Simon Cowell. It's just that I like work that shows effort; blood, seat, and tears. All you did for this was find as many things as you could that rhyme with "Yeti".

    The ending was pretty good though...I was expecting something like "Zeti" or "Geti" or "Susan"

    Jk.


    The end.
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]
      hehe, very good, its just kept spiraling on and on until i was sure something was going to blow up and spaghetti was going to go everywhere, very nice write...hope to see more of this, cause I do believe this is the first of this species that I have seen as of yet...so thanks for the write...keep it up

    ~Anarius~
    | Posted on 2005-09-04 00:00:00 | by Anarius | [ Reply to This ]
      MUWAHAHAHAHA! You and Graeme need to do a collaborative effort on children's stories!
    I love these pieces, being a child at heart and I found this one very cute and clever - loved the end with GEORGE!
    See, the kids can influence ya! Have a Happy Hump Day! tif ; )
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      haha this was great. if you were to read this out loud it would be quite a tongue twister though. lol. but a great childrens story it would be! this seems like it was kind of hard to write though but hey at least its good and we all seem to like it so far. and the george part at the end was interesting lol. and its hump day according to Epiphany???? i never knew that. o well lol.

    brenna
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good Dave, nicely thought of and well executed.

    Silly enough to tickle everyone's fancy, not just kids, and clever word play.

    Of course I'd love this, it's right up my alley! I don't relly know if you can make it any longer before it gets on the readers' nerves a bit, I think it's fine as it is, maybe a few more "etti" words. It's a comedy, so you have poetic licence, use "I bet(ti) , in debt(ti) , alphabet(ti) etc.

    Well done

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very funny. After reading many of the depressing poems posted here its refreshing to read something humorous. Great job with this, keep it up.
    Lots of luck,
    bgj
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by bgj | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    70894

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Promise written by annie0888
    Push written by JanePlane
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    To written by SavedDragon
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Once Again written by krs3332003

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry