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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Night Falldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toadslayer
    ASL Info:    35/Female/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.08 - 32/38/15
    Words: 23
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1070
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 151



    Description:
       Its about sitting in the backyard at dusk thinking about a loved one.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNight Falldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Crisp grass against outward palms,
    Wispy hands of gathering winds,
    Closed eyes and deep breaths,
    I am caught in a daydream of you.




    Submitted on 2005-08-17 12:31:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Really nice and crisp ! I would have loved it to have been longer with more detal. That is what back yards are for - sitting, thinking and daydreaming.
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      mmm to me i think this was a little too short. i think there was so much more you could say in this. but otherwise this wasnt too bad. but like frank said backyards are a good place to sit and daydream, think , fantasize, etc. esp if you're laying out in the sun its fun that way too. lol well anyways thats it for now..

    brenna
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a little too short. I think it could have been alot better if you had a more vivid description of the daydream and maybe the lover. More detail would have been a nice contribution to the poem, if it was longer. As its self, other than the shortness it was very good. I really liked your description and I hope to see a longer version of this in the future! Keep writing!

    *Brandy*
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by rockunsilenced | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it, very neat, tight, and short. Good Job!
    Good Imagery...but maybe it could use a little more... perhaps tell us more about the person..
    lata (hey, you should try reading some of my stuff)
    The Conqueror
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by The Conqueror | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the length is perfect. It is alluring and mysterious. I like title 'Night Fall' but what i like more is the irony of the ending...that it is a daydream.
    Why do people equate shortness with error? As if a short poem has no merits?
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by Tarwen Nevle | [ Reply to This ]


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