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    dots Submission Name: The Words Left Unsaiddots

    Author: Leon Cabartin
    ASL Info:    20/Male/Woodentu Liketano
    Elite Ratio:    3.51 - 16/18/7
    Words: 177
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 970
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1073

       This one was just waiting to be written. It's not exactly a bestseller, but I thought it captured a certain element.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Words Left Unsaiddots

    The words that were left unsaid
    Are the ones that pain me the most.
    They rob me of my sleep,
    They steal all my hope,
    And they never leave me completely alone.

    When I awake from darkened dreams,
    I think of what I would have said.
    I would have told what I felt,
    I would have showed you my love,
    And I wouldn’t have stopped till you knew.

    When I start the days work,
    Your specter meets me there, a sad reminder.
    Your face so beautiful it hurts,
    Your eyes so intense it burns,
    Your every trait a mark of perfection.

    When I come home from work,
    I hear your voice and feel your soul,
    The pure melody of your song,
    The strength of your pure spirit,
    Sweet ecstasy, it could tear me into pieces.

    When I go to sleep at night,
    I struggle in love-induced insomnia,
    I think of what I could have said,
    I think of what I could have done,
    But my day always ends without you there.

    Submitted on 2005-08-17 12:59:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Could have, would have, should have's...seems each failed relationship is left with these three thoughts.

    Although I liked the over all message of lost chances I didnt think this conveyed enough emotion to make this piece personal. It just seemed to me as though the words were flat. It gives the impression you are only writing what you think the reader wants to see...

    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this would be great with a little more depth. Words left unsaid can be the most powerful things that anyone can endure on the planet. Those unsaid words can go so many different ways.

    My favorite line out of this piece...

    I struggle in love-induced insomnia,

    I absolutely loved that line! It's not bad at all, I just personally think that it needs a tad bit more oomph to it.
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with the last reveiwer..it seems like too many of these poems end up the same way yours did..its not a bad poem but its not quite original either..You could fix this pretty easily by editing the coulda,woulda, shoulda, elements and replacing them with something more..let your brain do the work because it seems like your thinking too hard..poetry shouldnt require a lot of thinking it should just come out in a natural flow as you keep typing it..and thats what makes it original.
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by norm | [ Reply to This ]
      The words that were left unsaid
    Are the ones that pain me the most.
    They rob me of my sleep,
    They steal all my hope,
    And they never leave me completely alone.

    i could have enjoyed just reading these lines... didnt need anymore.. but i will continue ;)

    finally somebody that uses the word ecstasy without describing drugs.. im glad i read the rest of it a definite fav and i dont have many of them.. good job once again
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by solemnpen | [ Reply to This ]

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