[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: robertbwell
    ASL Info:    23/m/Wyoming
    Elite Ratio:    3 - 92/150/75
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1158
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1206

       i wrote this a while ago at military school. Just expressess my emotions while being there. It would be great to gets some thoughts and critiquing!!!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    i am so tapped amoung the helpless
    those who fall
    to an agnry call
    searching for a way out of this hell

    i do nothing
    but there seems to be something
    that takes my dreams and throws them away
    setting traps for the things i say

    this world is burning
    and i can't do a thing
    the fire is groing
    and i can hear the flames sing

    "open up your eyes
    here is your surprise
    we are buring all you own
    erasing all you've been shown
    for a cause that's undetermined
    a motivation that leaves you hurting
    with temtations that leave you empty and alone"

    there is nuthing i can do
    to put this fire out
    it has burnt hole in my heart
    and left me with a doubt
    of sanity, of a place i feel secure
    these things i feel breed emotions pre-mature

    and there is no one to lend me a hand
    to pull me out of this forsaken "promised land"
    to hold me close from the thing i can't controle
    there ar only those filled with greed
    and they are taking their tole

    Submitted on 2005-08-17 13:15:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      There were a few spelling errors...

    it has burnt hole in my heart
    and left me with a doubt...try...

    it has burned a hole in my heart,
    leaving me with doubt

    But anyway, I'm not one to try to knitpick at other people's work. This is a very good write. I know somebody that went to a military school and they hated it. They came out not feeling quite human. It was rough on em that's for sure! Good job!
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]