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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: robertbwell
    ASL Info:    23/m/Wyoming
    Elite Ratio:    3 - 92/150/75
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1158
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1206



    Description:
       i wrote this a while ago at military school. Just expressess my emotions while being there. It would be great to gets some thoughts and critiquing!!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    i am so tapped amoung the helpless
    those who fall
    to an agnry call
    searching for a way out of this hell

    i do nothing
    but there seems to be something
    that takes my dreams and throws them away
    setting traps for the things i say

    this world is burning
    and i can't do a thing
    the fire is groing
    and i can hear the flames sing

    "open up your eyes
    here is your surprise
    we are buring all you own
    erasing all you've been shown
    for a cause that's undetermined
    a motivation that leaves you hurting
    with temtations that leave you empty and alone"

    there is nuthing i can do
    to put this fire out
    it has burnt hole in my heart
    and left me with a doubt
    of sanity, of a place i feel secure
    these things i feel breed emotions pre-mature

    and there is no one to lend me a hand
    to pull me out of this forsaken "promised land"
    to hold me close from the thing i can't controle
    there ar only those filled with greed
    and they are taking their tole




    Submitted on 2005-08-17 13:15:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      There were a few spelling errors...
    groing...growing
    nuthing...nothing
    controle...control
    tole...toll

    it has burnt hole in my heart
    and left me with a doubt...try...

    it has burned a hole in my heart,
    leaving me with doubt

    But anyway, I'm not one to try to knitpick at other people's work. This is a very good write. I know somebody that went to a military school and they hated it. They came out not feeling quite human. It was rough on em that's for sure! Good job!
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]


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    70908

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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