Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: No Placedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DanceADream
    ASL Info:    16 f canada
    Elite Ratio:    5.05 - 205/153/29
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 788
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 727



    Description:
       well again i dont know where the idea of a guy leaving me came from but that seems to be whats inspired me lately.

    this poem is further about me being away from home in quebec. Im in a house where people just dont care and it sucks. home is where i belong. but this is about where i am now.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNo Placedots
    -------------------------------------------


    In a world that has no place for me
    I`m in a world that passes by.
    Without so much as a caring glance
    My soul will surely die.

    No one seems to notice
    When my tears begin to pour.
    I`m supposed to be alone for now
    And forever more.

    I look out my lonely window
    With streaming tears I sing.
    Those who hear the notes
    Choose not to do a thing.

    I hug the one I`m closest to
    But he turns his way.
    He says i don`t deserve him;
    I`ll love again some day.

    For now I`ll keep on trying,
    God made an example out of me.
    I`ll swim against the current
    And proud I hope he`ll be.




    Submitted on 2005-08-18 06:50:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really liked this
    This is a very deep and touching write
    To me you are talking about your longing to return home
    I can relate to this because in the end of December I will be returning to my hometown for the first time in 8 years
    Thank You for saharing this

    And also thank you for the recent comments I very much appreciate them
    Take Care
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this...and someone cares about you, somehwere in the world there is someone that thinks about you every day. Even if it is some annoying little fellow that has a crush on you. Someone misses you, and personally, i'm glad you're here on Eliteskills to give us all little poems like this that make us all appreciate the people we have around us...I feel the very same way some times. You'll go home eventually, and be where you belong, but for now, make the best of where you are, and don't worry about the stupid males of the universe, they're not worth your time. Not that all of them are stupid. I know some very intelligent gentlemen. -tips hat at Q, just in case he sees this-
    ~Sicobe R. Crow
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by Crow | [ Reply to This ]
      The second and third stanzas seem to have some problems flowing properly. That is pretty much the only negative thing I've got to say about this peice. Maybe try and avoid starting liness with "and, but, or" just as a general rule. But all in all this is a great peice. Good on ya

    keep em comin

    much love,
    kris
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by angelfyre | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good write. I can understand what you are going through. But the best way to deal with situations likes these are to write about it, and you did a very good job of explaining how you feel. I enjoyed reading the poem because it is something that we all can relate to.
    I like the ending...
    "For now I`ll keep on trying,
    God made an example out of me.
    I`ll swim against the current
    And proud I hope he`ll be."
    very strong and it show that you do have it in yourself to believe in yourself. (if that makes sense)

    Chin up and keep it up.

    Bailey19
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by Bailey19 | [ Reply to This ]
      I know exactly how you feel. I have spent a long time away from home before and i can identify with the sickness in your stomach that i know you have every morning you wake up and realize you are out of place. Check out my bio to see more about what i am talking about. This job did an awsome job of explaing how it feels. the only critique i have is to change "choose to do nuthing" to "chose not to do a thing." I know it is a little longer but it keeps with the rythem of the line it rymes with. Really great job!!!!
    Robert
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by robertbwell | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow Quebec, you are far away from home. I can feel your homesickness in this write. The deep emptiness in your soul and the missing of those from home that you are close to.
    A stranger in a strange place.. I hope you don't have to be there much longer.
    I like the last stanza.. nice way to end it.
    Take care of You... and keep your head up till you can return home.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I have never been away from home before and at 30 it scares the life out of me. it just proves to me that you are very brave because you did it.
    great write i can feel the lonelyness and despair in yr words.
    take care great job

    Lainie x
    | Posted on 2005-08-21 00:00:00 | by lainie75 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    71025

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry