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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The New Student... Part 1dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: solemnpen
    ASL Info:    18
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 303/339/42
    Words: 186
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1193
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1171



    Description:
       This is a 2 part saga about starting a new high school where it aint nothing but a little preppie white rich little bitches... this is more like the introduction.. was just about to actually throw down, and decided it was long enough so.... hope you like.. and if you don't PLEASE LEAVE ME A CRITIQUE, I GET TIRED OF THE PROSTHETIC COMMENTS THAT I KEEP GETTING

    I'M ALL ABOUT HONESTY


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe New Student... Part 1dots
    -------------------------------------------


    A new brand of terror
    A new student today


    I spread questions when I
    walk through the hall
    Preppies whispering
    Who is this dude, ripped and standing tall
    How can he hold his head high?
    Have that much confidence, like he can't die
    Covered with pride
    I continue my reign
    In a new domain
    I'm the hallway king

    Not scared to throw down, Not scared to rumble
    A new student, Same pit bull. In this foreign jungle
    I do what I want, how I please!
    I got the bullies begging for mercy
    Crying on their knees
    My reputation has followed me
    It goes where I go
    People are coming up to me
    Asking me to do a little, Lunchtime flow

    So I end the cravings, with a 30 second spit
    And give out promises to people
    Who still doubt my shit
    First day in the school
    and I got sexy little shorties whispering
    "Oh my god, He's so cool"
    This aint no fantasy, This is only true
    Just a little piece, bout my day
    At another piece of shit school




    Submitted on 2005-08-18 14:11:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like it. I can't rap and none of the people at my school really like the reputation I had last year but they can all go get over it. I was really quiet on the first day of school and actually grew even quieter until I didn't talk to many people in my grade, nobody except my closest friends. If anyone else spoke to me I'd give them a sort of "What the hell are you doing talking to me" look crossed with a look of fear (I really hate talking to them, the fashion gurus and the really stuck up pigs are so intimidating)
    But I like this poem, its interesting and shows a different side of things.
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by Cat | [ Reply to This ]
      I can rap but not good enough like that. plus i'm a girl, so not many girls walk up to me wanting to get my number. Most of the girls at my school are straight. But i loved the poem...and i'm adding it to my favorites. Never lose your flow your vipe...the hiphopness...you know what i mean.

    much luv,
    Danni
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
      Man i can really relate to this. i have been the new kid 6 times man and it is the same each time. the worst was this ritch private school and i could not stant the kids there. They were so narow minded and sheltered. I had just come from military school so i could not possibly connect with anyone there. So i just played the loaner card and kept to myself and did what ever i wanted. I got out of that [censored] whole as quick as i could man!!! I really like this flow dude.

    Robert
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by robertbwell | [ Reply to This ]
      Not a bad write at all; the word pattern flow is terrific, and the rhyme is okay. I think you have a talent for writing if you're really how old you say you are. Try and build it by writing more: firstly, the sporadic random flow of thoughts combining to form a good piece of writing like this one is, and later the more defined and well structured thought pattern making a remarkable piece like those of the likes of William Blakes etc.
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by smily | [ Reply to This ]
      i really enjoyed this write, cade.. i felt like it described me in some ways... but this is a ballad for all the new students who don't like taking crap and only dishing it.. good job and keep writing
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by daniel05 | [ Reply to This ]
      lol... i can kind of relate to this...i moved and i came to this new school..where every body was rich and all that kind of [censored]...and i'm shy so its really hard to make new friends... but once every body got to know me they all respected me 4 who i am...i think that school kind of changed me..because most of my friends are so preppy... now I'm used to saying omgosh...and awsome...lol... to be for real..my old school... mostly everybody was Mexicans and Africans...yeah...that school did change me..

    this wasn't a bad write... moslty every body can relate to this...i'm looking foward to reading you next piece
    kay
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by Kay | [ Reply to This ]
      Not bad..but i didnt think the ending fit the rest of the peice..and i dont know if you meant for it to be that way or not..but i would find another way of re-stating the ending because the emotions were shown through the rest of the poem and when i got to the end i knew right away it wasnt the correct way to stop, in my opinion..you should either expand this a little bit..make sure everything makes sense..or just re state your ending..you be the judge..just a few suggestions..good write.
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by norm | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm guessing you had a good first day? Stories to tell I hope! Its hard moving to any school like that, my school is FILLED with rich white preppies and I admit, even I got a sort of preppy side to me. Don't let me catch you calling me that though!! The fact that you carry yourself so well also helps with new schools. They always say its a way to start a new life, but life's too short keep redoing in a school. So you show them preps who's boss!!
    ~Kat
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice write, way to keep your confidence in a rather place putting event. I caught a couple of errors...the first stanza you say 'Spreaded' where it should just say 'spread' and in the second stanza, you make the sentence 'I do what I want, how I please?' into a question and it dosen't match the confidence of the rest of the piece. Leave out the question mark, and put in an exclamation point :) or just a period. That way it keeps the 'tough guy' feel to it.

    I really enjoyed this read. It reminded me of my ex. He was always considered the 'bad boy' in school. But, it's true what they say, we all have that little piece of us that likes a bad boy once in a while. lol. Great job, keep up the good work!

    *hugs a plenty*
    Avry
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by SouthrnQT | [ Reply to This ]
      prosthetic stuff, oh I can definately relate! I've been the new student like every year of school. even moving back to a previous school, it still isa slight [censored] to get back in there-when you're young anyway.


    critisism-second stanza last 3 lines, you mentioned beginning this as a rhyme and it doesn't fit right there. Third stanza last line is too wordy-(expecting a lunchtime flow) sounds better.

    The rest is all gravy homie; get excited football is coming soon.

    go raiders!

    >>>>>>>>>brax
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by Brack-Attax | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this. Made me smile. This your first year in highschool? My first day was...I don't remember, it was 2 years ago. Nothing special, obviously. Anyway, I liked this. See ya around kiddo.
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      hehe

    cute shorty look at cade tryin to be black that was funny

    yo good write i like that [censored] about being a pit in a forighn jungle that [censored] was tight and i like that [censored] about:

    My reputation has followed me
    It goes where I go
    People are coming up to me
    Asking me to do a little, Lunchtime flow

    that [censored] was tight



    heavy knowledge
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by heavy knowledge | [ Reply to This ]
      i was kinda shy on my first day at my new school. but that's kinda changed. i'm still quiet as hell though. i talk 2 some people, but a kot of the time i don't speak unless i have something 2 say.i don't tell people i can rap. i kinda keep that [censored] 2 myself. only a few people know. good write dog.
    "troy"
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]


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