[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Nature’s Favorite Disasterdots

    Author: Naymless
    ASL Info:    15/F/phx, az
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 142/110/33
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Political
    Total Views: 1166
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1056

       There's two versions of the poem that I wrote and this one's about the war currently going on. When the war first started I didn't care at all, but now so far two people in my life that have left for the war, and I'm not so sure they're comming back.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNature’s Favorite Disasterdots

    I’ll cry,
    While shooting stars fall from the sky,
    Unannounced to us,
    They were shot from devastation’s gun,

    And as the thunder calls to them,
    The wail in reply,
    Falling from the cluster,
    Commended by the crowds,
    Who applaud in such an ironic fashion,

    Hidden beyond explanation,
    They fall through the clouds of smoke,
    Clinging on the sullen words,
    Spoken on a ‘well-wisher’s’ agenda,
    Yet they spill from their mother's handkerchiefs,

    Caution speaks on a heartbroken impulse,
    Reviving the words of pure devastation,
    Awaiting outside a leader’s ranch,
    They wait for an apologizing conversation,
    To bring their ears that ring of gunshots,
    To the repetition of ‘I’m sorry’

    Put their names against a marble wall,
    Carve out their death with a glossy finish,
    Tell them it’s all for a better cause,
    Apologize, but tell me,
    How is it not your fault?

    Submitted on 2005-08-18 16:57:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      the imagery here is astounding
    'yet they spill from thier mother's handkerchief' has such a resounding sound to it. It echoes and imprints itself on one's mind. And who needs more detail of the war? We know. Heaven help us, we know.
    | Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by Tarwen Nevle | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent ! Your description was vivid yet smooth enough to let it flow at the right pace. A bit more detail 'of the war' would have enhanced it much more I feel. Well done though it was very good.
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      wonderful work. i love it. i really hope to read more by you. keep it up! i know that if u try you'll definatley go somewhere with ur work
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
      this was great just like a painting with words
    you have a talent and thanx for the high ating and the wongeful comment on revenge
    thanx and great post
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]