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    dots Submission Name: Onedots

    Author: Indigo Kid
    ASL Info:    33/f/everywhere
    Elite Ratio:    3.73 - 428/438/115
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1039
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 522

       Just something I wrote, BF trucks, and I miss him while he is gone

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Its been so long
    since I have felt
    your inspiration in my
    wine colored blood and
    feel the things I feel
    when I am next to
    your deep and guttural voice
    of honesty and sincerity.

    Your hands, moving as a
    flower trying to find a
    compatible spot to set roots
    a place to call home,
    a place to call your own.
    It is here for you to grab and
    intertwine with me, your
    moisture soaking in me
    to make one.

    Submitted on 2005-08-19 17:57:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Ok I am a very big fan of your work now. I think that a lot of people can relate to your words of insecurity, and wanting to belong within the soul of someone who understands. Your poetry moves me to want to become a more passionate and inspirational person not only wothin my poetry but within my soul... thanks for your beautiful work.

    Talk to you later,
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]
      I appreciate the sentiments in the piece.
    I like the metaphor of the hands being roots looking for a place to join with another. This is a truly asweet vision.

    Just some thoughts and observations:
    Wine colored blood is a great image but it doesn't seem to add to the meaning of the poem. I am not certain the color plays on the emotions.

    I love this image.
    The deep and guttural voice
    Of honesty and sincerity.
    It touches on many levels.

    Good job.
    | Posted on 2005-08-20 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice job you git here.

    I like how you gave us that feeling of missing your boyfriend.
    The use of the word wine to describe the color of blood was something I have never seen before nad it was a nice surprise to say the least.

    I hope you are doing well and you are happy.

    | Posted on 2005-08-21 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      the longing in this one is really apparent I feel it as you say
    "Its been so long
    Since I have felt
    The inspiration in my
    Wine colored blood to
    Feel the things I feel"
    I feel the love when you write
    "When I am next to
    The deep and guttural voice
    Of honesty and sincerity."
    and most of all I feel the hope when you write
    "It is here for you to grab and
    Intertwine with me
    Moisture soaking in me
    To make one"
    the only thing that I would change is some of the structure, to make it easier to read. but other then that I loved it. I loved the imagery you gave and it put me in the place to think of my own boyfriend.
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by hidden lady | [ Reply to This ]

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