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One


Author: Indigo Kid
ASL Info:    33/f/everywhere
Elite Ratio:    3.73 - 428 /438 /115
Words: 83
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1240
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 522



Description:


Just something I wrote, BF trucks, and I miss him while he is gone


One



Its been so long
since I have felt
your inspiration in my
wine colored blood and
feel the things I feel
when I am next to
your deep and guttural voice
of honesty and sincerity.

Your hands, moving as a
flower trying to find a
compatible spot to set roots
a place to call home,
a place to call your own.
It is here for you to grab and
intertwine with me, your
moisture soaking in me
to make one.




Submitted on 2005-08-19 17:57:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Ok I am a very big fan of your work now. I think that a lot of people can relate to your words of insecurity, and wanting to belong within the soul of someone who understands. Your poetry moves me to want to become a more passionate and inspirational person not only wothin my poetry but within my soul... thanks for your beautiful work.

Talk to you later,
Ella
| Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]
  I appreciate the sentiments in the piece.
I like the metaphor of the hands being roots looking for a place to join with another. This is a truly asweet vision.

Just some thoughts and observations:
Wine colored blood is a great image but it doesn't seem to add to the meaning of the poem. I am not certain the color plays on the emotions.

I love this image.
The deep and guttural voice
Of honesty and sincerity.
It touches on many levels.

Good job.
| Posted on 2005-08-20 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice job you git here.

I like how you gave us that feeling of missing your boyfriend.
The use of the word wine to describe the color of blood was something I have never seen before nad it was a nice surprise to say the least.

I hope you are doing well and you are happy.

~shawn
| Posted on 2005-08-21 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
  the longing in this one is really apparent I feel it as you say
"Its been so long
Since I have felt
The inspiration in my
Wine colored blood to
Feel the things I feel"
I feel the love when you write
"When I am next to
The deep and guttural voice
Of honesty and sincerity."
and most of all I feel the hope when you write
"It is here for you to grab and
Intertwine with me
Moisture soaking in me
To make one"
the only thing that I would change is some of the structure, to make it easier to read. but other then that I loved it. I loved the imagery you gave and it put me in the place to think of my own boyfriend.
| Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by hidden lady | [ Reply to This ]


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